tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29692348483072319582024-03-18T01:46:42.457-04:00Stickman Musings - A BlogStickman's blog that includes the musings and random thoughts from a stickman's head. Usually full of humor, sometimes insightful, almost always pointless. An excellent blog.Stickmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10623959653297405267noreply@blogger.comBlogger127125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2969234848307231958.post-80438767870571248922010-09-24T11:18:00.003-04:002010-09-24T11:44:08.958-04:00A Cougar no LongerWith my birthday rapidly approaching, making Mrs. Stickman and I "technically" the same age, I will no longer be able to refer to her as a cougar. At least not for another six months.<div><br /></div><div>Why is this a problem? Well, I'm glad that you asked.</div><div><br /></div><div>I take a certain pride in being both young and hip. <i>(Forget the fact that I am neither A: young or B: hip, and just hear me out here as I enter a land of make believe.)</i> There is a certain awesomeness that comes along with being me. Everyone notices this, as much as I try to hide it.</div><div><br /></div><div>While Mrs. S is for all intents and purposes much cooler and younger looking than me, it is a real boost to the ego that she is older than me. I like to picture her as an older lady that landed her a young, hot stud muffin - with me being said muffin. </div><div><br /></div><div>One downside of the wife being older is that she is a big jerk to me, and makes fun of me pretty much all the time. I know you are thinking that she would do that no matter how old she was. And while that is true, the problem comes into play on the RARE occasion that I may actually razz her back a little bit. As soon as I say something snotty to her, the kids both chime in with, "you have to respect your elders." Little bastards. Who's respecting me?</div><div><br /></div><div>Aside from all this cougar stuff, getting old just sucks. The grey hair is cool, the thinning hair is not. The knowing what you like is cool, the not being able to have it because your metabolism is shot is not. The having the money to go places you want to go is cool, the having to take the damn kids is not.</div><div><br /></div><div>The more I live, the more I enjoy life. I think if I could go back and do things differently, there is a lot that I would like to change. The old "if I knew then what I think I know now" saying is a hard one to ignore.</div><div><br /></div><div>However, if I changed things then I wouldn't be who I am now, or who I am with now. And I wouldn't trade life now for one single friend in high school. Which is one more that what I had at the time!</div><div><br /></div><div>So I'm me, and I'm old. Deal with it! Stickman out.</div>Stickmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10623959653297405267noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2969234848307231958.post-11101171418790520822009-10-12T12:10:00.003-04:002009-10-12T12:30:39.666-04:00Locking Up Girl Child For 20 YearsThis past weekend was the big Homecoming dance at the local high school. Having two kids in high school, it was of course bound to be a big night at our household. <div><br /></div><div>Luckily, this year, Boy Child decided to just go with a group of friends, and didn't really have "a date." So that was EASY. However, Girl Child insisted on going to the dance with her douchebag boyfriend. (For the record, he is not really a douchebag and is really a great kid, but since he is dating my daughter I feel that I am obligated to dislike him.)</div><div><br /></div><div>Since we are the coolest parents in the world, of course all of the kids and their friends insisted on coming to our house for the picture fest and pre-dinner activities. I might also add that this fact created quite a hissy fit with one particularly bitchy mom that really wanted them all to go to her house. Jealous much?</div><div><br /></div><div>I am happy to say that my daughter did not look like a slut. I did my part in helping to select a dress that was minimal on cleavage and maximum on straps, however I fell short in the down to the ankles requirement. As a result, I spent about two weeks trying to convince her to wear a pair of sweatpants under the dress.</div><div><br /></div><div>I spend most of my time around her boyfriend trying to defend her virginity. They really love it when I use the word "deflower" every other sentence. Or maybe they don't love it. I always forget which it is.</div><div><br /></div><div>Anyway, after seeing her looking so grown up and with a little punks arm around her and hand on her waste, I have decided that she will be locked up and the key will be thrown away for at least the next 20 years. We can re-evaluate after that.</div><div><br /></div><div>Damn kids! Stickman out!</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>Stickmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10623959653297405267noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2969234848307231958.post-16868779893487358262009-10-08T08:47:00.003-04:002009-10-08T08:58:42.106-04:00A Poem For National Poetry DayIn honor of National Poetry Day, I have composed the following poem:<div><br /></div><div></div><blockquote><div><i>Oh, National Poetry Day</i></div><div><i>You are such a good time</i></div><div><i>You are the best day of the year</i></div><div><i>To only speak in rhyme</i></div><div><i><br /></i></div><div><i>Some may think that poems are gay</i></div><div><i>But others like them fine</i></div><div><i>Many are so elegantly written</i></div><div><i>None of those are mine</i></div><div><i><br /></i></div><div><i>There are many rhymes I like to say</i></div><div><i>Like nana nana boo boo</i></div><div><i>Or liar liar pants on fire</i></div><div><i>Really any childish taunt will do</i></div><div><i><br /></i></div><div><i>National Poetry Day rocks</i></div><div><i>Only one thing is not quite right</i></div><div><i>I find it to be a shame indeed</i></div><div><i>That you share the day with World Sight</i></div><div><i><br /></i></div><div><i>Poetry is a delicious fruit</i></div><div><i>Like a round, juicy orange</i></div><div><i>So I celebrate you with great joy</i></div><div><i>And nothing rhymes with orange</i></div></blockquote><div></div><div><br /></div><div>Everyone have a great National Poetry Day! Is there a Hallmark card for that? Hmmmm.</div><div><br /></div><div><a href="http://www.stickmanmusings.com">Stickman</a> out!</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>Stickmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10623959653297405267noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2969234848307231958.post-58811487497999815992009-10-06T10:24:00.003-04:002009-10-06T12:23:55.525-04:00Fall Can Bite Me!The Fall Season has arrived with a bang. Actually its more like a blow. My goodness, is it not possible to talk about the seasons without innuendo?<div><br /></div><div>What I am trying to say is that Fall has arrived in a serious way with a lot of wind and a lot of cold. Summer has disappeared like the fleeting fame of a reality TV star. </div><div><br /></div><div>While I have a couple reasons for liking Fall, I mostly hate it. There are so many reasons to hate Fall. Especially if you live in the Midwest.</div><div><br /></div><div>As I prepare to type the two things I like about fall, I realize that both reasons are pretty gay (not that there's anything wrong with that). The first is, of course, LAYERING. Nothing beats a jacket over a sweatshirt over a shirt over an undershirt. Am I right? The second thing that is sometimes appealing about fall is the cool colors on the trees. </div><div><br /></div><div>At least those are the things that some gay people I know tell me is awesome about Fall. Now here are all the crappy things about it.</div><div><br /></div><div>It is a lot of damn work. You have to winterize the pool. You have to winterize the spinklers. You have to winterize the house. You have to winterize the yard. You have to put all the outdoor crap away. Work work work work work. </div><div><br /></div><div>Also, all the damn leaves falling all over everything is not appealing in the least bit. Especially when they all start dying and turning brown and ugly.</div><div><br /></div><div>But the biggest thing that sucks about Fall is that Summer is over and Winter is coming. And oooooohhh do I HATE winter. Hate it with a passion. If I never saw snow again, I would be a happy man.</div><div><br /></div><div>So Fall....Bite me! <a href="http://www.stickmanmusings.com">Stickman</a> out!</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>Stickmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10623959653297405267noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2969234848307231958.post-55921640724859157972009-10-01T08:12:00.003-04:002009-10-01T08:23:12.919-04:00Are Puppies Humor Suckers?I swear that every since devil dog entered our home, I have been completely sucked dry of every ounce of funny that I may have ever had. It's true that the amount of humor I actually have has been debated widely, with responses ranging from "none at all ever" from Mrs. Stickman to "funniest frickin' bastard to ever live" from me.<div><br /></div><div>I think the act of dog ownership (or puppy ownership, at least) is so physically and emotionally exhausting that there is just no energy left for funny generation. Sure the dog does funny, humorous things sometimes, but mostly it just barks and pisses. We keep telling ourselves it is going to get better, that we are just in the puppy training phase before the years of dog enjoyment. Yet, it just seems to get worse!</div><div><br /></div><div>I have never in my life hated and loved something so much at the same time. And the worst part is, I knew this would happen. I knew that the dog would piss me off beyond belief and I would want to get rid of it (or kill it), and yet at the same time I would love it so much that I would not be able to bear the thought of it not being part of my life any more.</div><div><br /></div><div>Damn dog.</div><div><br /></div><div>So as I sit and remember a time when I had no dog but lots of funny, I am saddened. Yet I am joyful that the little fur-ball from hell has joined our home. Oh life, why must thou be full of enigmas?</div><div><br /></div><div><a href="http://www.stickmanmusings.com">Stickman</a> out!</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>Stickmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10623959653297405267noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2969234848307231958.post-26806573434801677922009-09-28T16:46:00.003-04:002009-09-28T16:57:02.870-04:00Smiley-A-Thon: 20 Smileys Buys My Humor-Blogs MembershipOK. OK. I know that I haven't written on my blog in like FOREVER, but I have become so infatuated with Twitter (<i><a href="http://www.twitter.com/StickmanMusings">follow me</a></i>) and my ability to write short little blips, that the thought of sitting to write a lengthy blog has sent my head into a spiral the size of a Wizard of Oz tornado.<div><br /></div><div>However, I do know that there is no place like home. And this blog is the true home for all those crazy thoughts that swirl around in my head and demand to be made known to the general public in a completely anonymous way.</div><div><br /></div><div>Also, I know that most of my regular readers come from <a href="http://www.humor-blogs.com">Humor-Blogs</a>, which is the absolute best site for humor blogs on the internets/world wide super info highway web thing. And since I haven't seen any news reports that Humor-Blogs has now been valued at $1 Billion without having any way to turn any sort of profit, I understand that <a href="http://www.mattresspolice.com">Mr. Diesel</a> must subsidize his outlays.</div><div><br /></div><div>Therefore, I have decided that if the Humor-Blogs community truly loves me and wants to have my blog stick around on the site, then I would like each and every one of you to give me a Smiley for this post. </div><div><br /></div><div>One Smiley = One Dollar</div><div><br /></div><div>So all I need is 20 Smileys in order to buy my membership to the site. Truth be told, I will most likely buy it anyway, but for the love of God people let me feel like you WANT me to do it.</div><div><br /></div><div>With that, I bid you ado and happy smiling. <a href="http://www.stickmanmusings.com">Stickman</a> out!</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>Stickmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10623959653297405267noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2969234848307231958.post-69230641610106016052009-09-10T15:15:00.004-04:002009-09-10T15:27:20.536-04:00Interpretive Dance Health CoverageToday, as I have been pondering the potential reform in our current healthcare system in the United States, while at the same time, pondering my love for interpretive dance, it goes with out saying that the obvious question came to mind. Will our new public healthcare system cover injuries incurred while performing interpretive dance?<div><br /></div><div>I, for one, believe that these injuries should be covered. It only seems fair that my healthcare plan should not stand in the way of my choreographing of some of the finest dance routines to ever be performed. I should not have to worry about going bankrupt due to an unfortunate interpretive dance accident. How could I ever be truly free to move if I had that fear in my head the whole time.</div><div><br /></div><div>Say, for instance that I am really getting into my amazing hand motions for the current Green Day single, "21 Guns" when I begin to feel the onset of carpel tunnel. I should know that I am free to continue the shooting of my finger pistol, and once the routine has been completed I can go to the emergency room and KNOW without a doubt that I will be seen and my injury covered.</div><div><br /></div><div>If I were to dislocate a shoulder during my routine for Jordin Sparks' "Battlefield" then the same should hold true. Or perhaps if I were to break a finger while performing my sweet moves for Beyonce's "Single Lady" then the doctors should like it and put a cast on it!</div><div><br /></div><div>I'm just saying!</div><div><br /></div><div>For more insight, be sure to <a href="http://twitter.com/stickmanmusings">follow StickmanMusings on Twitter</a>. I guarantee you that I am the funniest person on Twitter with an account called StickmanMusings! You can take that to the bank.</div><div><br /></div><div><a href="http://www.stickmanmusings.com">Stickman</a> out!</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>Stickmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10623959653297405267noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2969234848307231958.post-33658357404880031822009-09-01T13:33:00.003-04:002009-09-01T14:01:27.369-04:00You All Think I'm Smart...You Should Meet My Dog!I'm certain that members of my family would think a more fitting title to this post would be "You All Think I'm <i><b>Odd</b></i>...You Should Meet My Dog!" But as I think I have proven here in the past, I'm not sure my family can be trusted with the determination of what is odd or not odd. You should meet these people!<div><br /></div><div>I just have to tell you that <a href="http://www.stickmanmusings.com/2009/08/medieval-puppy-training-method.html">our new puppy</a> is about the smartest dog that will ever be born. Here are some thinks that certify her as an actual genius:</div><div><br /></div><div><b></b></div><blockquote><div><b>She can fetch already</b>. Although we are still working on letting go of the ball once she brings it back. </div><div><br /></div><div><b>She can find home. </b> We take her on walks around the neighborhood and when we get back by home she knows exactly where to go. </div><div><br /></div><div><b>She can make her toys squeak.</b> This one was exciting at first when she figured out where to bite to make the noise, however, the more she figures it out it gets a bit annoying.</div><div><br /></div><div><b>She kinda gets the potty training.</b> Despite a few accidents occasionally, she is really figuring out the potty training thing. She has a 95% accuracy rating.</div><div><br /></div><div><b>She watches TV. </b> At the risk of straining her neck, she will sit on the floor and crane her head around to see the TV hanging above the fireplace in the family room.</div><div><br /></div><div><b>She likes music.</b> Everybody knows that babies that listen to music end up smarter, right? I think I heard something about that somewhere. Last night she intently watched Boy Child play his acoustic guitar until it finally lulled her to sleep.</div><div><br /></div><div><b>She can drive a car.</b> OK, I made that one up, but we have a competition going between us and our in-laws (who have our puppy's sister) about who has the better and smart dog. So we exaggerate a little bit.</div></blockquote><div>OK. That's about all that I've got. Sure, you're saying all puppies can do that stuff, but what you don't understand is how awesome she is at it. I see great potential. We could realistically be looking at the next Lassie here.</div><div><br /></div><div>If any of my readers happen to fall down a well, rest assured that Presley will let me know right away, and someone will be coming to your rescue. Also, if you go blind or have your uterus taken out, she will be there to assist you across the street.</div><div><br /></div><div><a href="http://www.stickmanmusings.com">Stickman</a> out!</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>Stickmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10623959653297405267noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2969234848307231958.post-64180542922938573432009-08-28T15:55:00.003-04:002009-08-28T16:19:23.964-04:00Everything Must Go! Get It While It's Hot!California is having its blow-out garage sale right now. Apparently by selling a few odds and ins such as old prison uniforms and a spare Xbox 360, the esteemed <s>actor</s> governor of California is convinced that he can wipe out the state's $25 billion deficit. That, my friends, is one hell of a garage sale.<div><br /></div><div>Mrs. Stickman and I tried to do a garage sale once. The thing brought in a gross profit of around $25. Then after we paid the kids off for helping set it up, we brought in a net of about $3. And then we still ended taking a couple truckloads of crap to a charity. The most ridiculous thing about that whole garage sale, however, was the fact that the kids wanted the money for all the crap of theirs that we sold - apparently it didn't matter that I am the one that bought it all.</div><div><br /></div><div>So anyway, I figure the state of California is screwed. Perhaps they can get a sponsor. You know how all of the sports arenas, and the college bowl games, and almost everything else you can think of has a sponsor now? They could be the Microsoft State of California. Or the Viacom State of California. Or something more saucy like Victoria's Secret State of California. Or we could make it real easy and have it be the Mexico State of California.</div><div><br /></div><div>From what I understand, they are looking to increase the value of items by having the governor autograph them. I can not think of a better Halloween costume than a California State Penitentiary uniform autographed by Arnold Schwarzeneggar. And who wouldn't want The Terminator's signature on their car? Uhmmm...me.</div><div><br /></div><div>I wish I would have thought of offering to autograph the things at our garage sale. Who wouldn't want a Stickman autograph on their child's Abercrombie jeans? I bet we could have brought in at least $26 dollars if I would have thought of that.</div><div><br /></div><div>What are they going to think of next in California? Sell all the stop signs? The traffic lights? Maybe they could sell all their illegal immigrants back to Mexico. That would be a good deal, especially since they would probably just come right back anyway. They could keep reselling the same immigrants.</div><div><br /></div><div>I bet the top item at the garage sale is the <a href="http://www.stickmanmusings.com/.../governator-cuts-budget-with-giant-knife.html">big giant knife that Governor Schwarzenegger used</a> in his famous garage salesman video. I bet they could get at least $100 for a giant buck. $150 if he signed it!</div><div><br /></div><div><a href="http://www.stickmanmusings.com">Stickman</a> out!</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>Stickmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10623959653297405267noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2969234848307231958.post-79080288580897734432009-08-25T16:29:00.003-04:002009-08-25T16:39:14.403-04:00How Can One Little Puppy Exhaust Me So Much?As I set here and type this blog, I can barely keep my eyes open. Our little puppy is just wearing me out. It is constant work to have a puppy in your house. I hear the word "NO!" in my sleep. I find myself daydreaming about going outside to go potty. How much more of this can a human being take?!?<div><br /></div><div>For something that was to be the complete responsibility of the children, I sure am doing a lot of work. Getting up at 5am to take the dog outside to do her business isn't exactly what I signed up for. And yet, I find myself loving that dog so much already that I can't just let her be miserable. Also, I am so anal retentive that I can't stand the thought of a mess in her crate - or my house!</div><div><br /></div><div>zo s, dp yotrf yjsy zo kidy yu[rf yjod ejp;r dudrmysvr eoyj ,u jsmfd om yjr etpmh [;svr/ Ejsy</div><div>d yjsy yr;; u pi</div><div><br /></div><div>See? I am so tired that I just typed an entire sentence with my fingers in the wrong spot on the keyboard. That's pretty bad! Not only am I getting up early to take the dog out, be we are staying up on average about an hour later than we normally do so that we can get one final potty in for her before we go to bed.</div><div><br /></div><div>Our puppy's sister - that Mrs. Stickman's sister's family got - is the calmest puppy ever. It sleeps and cuddles and sleeps. Our puppy plays and bites and plays. We had to get the hyper one. Sure when she is older that may make her much more fun, but right now it is exhausting.</div><div><br /></div><div>I am going to turn this blog into my puppy venting outlet if I'm not careful. I promise more funny once I can get some sleep.</div><div><br /></div><div><a href="http://www.stickmanmusings.com">Stickman</a> out!</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>Stickmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10623959653297405267noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2969234848307231958.post-67238483057591718812009-08-20T07:41:00.004-04:002009-08-20T08:03:24.260-04:00The Medieval Puppy Training MethodThis is quickly becoming a dog blog. I am sorry for that fact, but the puppy is an all consuming force. Day in and day out we shall eat, breath, and sleep puppy. OK, don't get alarmed... we aren't actually going to eat the puppy. We are breathing a lot of her though, and she smells like wet dog. And we certainly aren't sleeping - that puppy sure can cry at night.<div><br /></div><div>So, before I go any farther, some of you have demanded to see this puppy so that you may judge - once and for all - her cuteness. So, without further ado, I present to you Presley (yes I named her after <a href="http://http://www.stickmanmusings.com/2009/04/king-of-nothing.html">my hero, Elvis</a>):</div><div><br /></div><div><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgd_JLEVaC92JVGR8RGXdyvcLdOnXV13-kxWGuYnqdfUwsjD1gPXyUgLHnnhqOoYsXPdSLTXCAU5NVpUECjfwDZ6MAagAvfhSLFlVdaq1F5TaR7B4cV0R6b6gILSIzoCyp-P0ZFOroKkwI/s1600-h/3836772816_3c23985689.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 266px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgd_JLEVaC92JVGR8RGXdyvcLdOnXV13-kxWGuYnqdfUwsjD1gPXyUgLHnnhqOoYsXPdSLTXCAU5NVpUECjfwDZ6MAagAvfhSLFlVdaq1F5TaR7B4cV0R6b6gILSIzoCyp-P0ZFOroKkwI/s400/3836772816_3c23985689.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5372011875654315842" /></a><br /></div><div>Told you she was cute. She is 6 weeks old. She's what they call a Labradinger, which is a mix of English Springer Spaniel and Labrador. And she is much more awesome in real life than she is in this picture.</div><div><br /></div><div>So after spending the day with her yesterday, and reading much crap on the internet, Mrs. Stickman has decided to subscribe to the Medieval Puppy Training Method, in which you torture the poor puppy by locking her up in cage all the time and only taking her out to go to the bathroom, and to play occasionally.</div><div><br /></div><div>This plan involves a lot of crying, gnawing on the cage, and attempts to find escape hatches - and that's just me, although the puppy doesn't like it either. Turns out that I am just a big softy in this dog situation, because I can hardly stand it. We're not even allowed to talk to the poor dog when she's in the cage. How cruel is that.</div><div><br /></div><div>Also, if the dog ever IS allowed out of the cage, she is not allowed to step on any of the rugs. We have a lot of very large area rugs on our main floor. This is going to involve a lot of zig zagging and movement restrictions on the poor dog. It's so not fair. Not to mention that the basement and the second floor are carpeted, so she can't go there at all!</div><div><br /></div><div>I figure we're going to end up with a dog that can go to the bathroom outside, but hates our stinking guts the rest of the time. Poor little puppy. She probably feels like she got captured by Al Qaeda or the Taliban or something.</div><div><br /></div><div>I can't wait until she is potty trained so that we can actually start to enjoy her again! <a href="http://www.stickmanmusings.com">Stickman</a> out!</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>Stickmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10623959653297405267noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2969234848307231958.post-79891115923377468062009-08-19T12:39:00.003-04:002009-08-19T12:52:35.172-04:00I Get A Dog, I Like The Dog, I Get Mocked - I Can't WinYou would think that since I went against everything I stood for, and out of the abundance of love and generosity in my heart, got my family a beautiful little puppy that I would be the king of my world, the master of my domain, the beloved husband and father; however, just as with anything else I do, I just end up getting mocked. How does this happen? <div><br /></div><div>Before I got the dog, when I was still in my "no pets in our house" stage, I was accused of terrible things like being a dog hater or a puppy kicker. I was mean. I was cruel. I was the only person in the world that didn't know that every kid must grow up having a dog.</div><div><br /></div><div>(On a side note about that: Girl Child said to Mrs. Stickman: "Every kid needs to have a dog growing up." Mrs. S said: "You're not a kid anymore, you are already grown up." Girl Child: "I am too still a kid." Mrs. S: "Then take off your boobs!" Isn't that hilarious!)</div><div><br /></div><div>After all of these cruel things were said about me, much like Jesus, I forgave my family for they knew not what they did. And then with all the love in me, I snuck out and secretly got a puppy for our house. Everyone is concerned that I have made a terrible mistake and that I will be mean to the puppy and treat it badly. Preposterous!</div><div><br /></div><div>Instead, I absolutely love the puppy, and I talk to it and treat it like a baby, and I play with it, and I take pictures of it, and I hang these pictures in my office, and it is my pride and joy. Obviously, everybody in our family finds this to be wonderful and is so thankful to me, and tells me how awesome I am, right? WRONG! They mock! They point and laugh! </div><div><br /></div><div>I threaten to get rid of the dog if that is how they are going to treat me. They don't believe it because they know I am absolutely in love with the damn dog. I make them promise to not tell anyone outside of our house that I like the dog. They lie and say OK, although I know they will tell everyone.</div><div><br /></div><div>What's a guy got to do to get a little love? I just want to be loved. Is that so wrong?</div><div><br /></div><div><a href="http://www.stickmanmusings.com">Stickman</a> out!</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>Stickmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10623959653297405267noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2969234848307231958.post-42985796079929554372009-08-18T15:08:00.004-04:002009-08-18T16:51:32.937-04:00I Am A Hero - I Got A Damn Dog!On Saturday Mrs. Stickman's sister and her family came over to hang out and go swimming and grill and drink and all of that good stuff that we do in the summer. Only this time, they brought along a brand new member of the family. Oh yes, a puppy!<div><br /></div><div>Now this puppy was the cutest little puppy I have seen in a long time. You couldn't help but love this puppy. Mrs. Stickman and Girl Child fell so in love with this puppy that they instantly began to demand a puppy of their own.</div><div><br /></div><div>I have a pretty strong anti-pet stance that I have stood behind for quite some time. I know that a damn dog would eat my shoes, piss and poop all over my house, ruin everything that I work hard to provide for my family. In general, I felt a dog was a bad idea.</div><div><br /></div><div>After seeing the faces of the females in our house, I began to break down. And I have to admit, that puppy was damn adorable. So I inquired as to the availability of another puppy from the same little as our new niece puppy. Is that what you would call that? Seems odd.</div><div><br /></div><div>So I began a secret campaign to get a puppy. I would sneak into the house and try to call the owners. Turns out they were out of town for the day on Sunday. So I called yesterday, and it turns out all the puppies were spoken for. So I was bummed and told Mrs. Stickman that we were too late, they were all gone.</div><div><br /></div><div>And then I get a call back today that one of the families that took a puppy aren't going to be able to keep it, so we can have it. So in about 1 hour, I will officially be a puppy owner. I am excited and nervous at the same time. However, I know that my family is going to be so excited. I will be the hero!</div><div><br /></div><div>An additional benefit is that I get to use the "I bought you a puppy" line for the next 6 months or so to get just about anything I want. And I plan on milking this for all that it is worth. "Go get me a beer." "Give me some sex." "I want that new phone." "We watch what I want to watch." And if there is any descent...."I bought you a puppy."</div><div><br /></div><div>I sure hope this goes well. I don't want to become a puppy kicker.</div><div><br /></div><div><a href="http://www.stickmanmusings.com">Stickman</a> out!</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>Stickmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10623959653297405267noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2969234848307231958.post-19749580669651844042009-08-13T13:14:00.003-04:002009-08-13T13:54:24.555-04:00Is It Weird To Love A Pair Of Socks?When we were on our recent excursion to the East Coast, I did as any self-respecting man does on vacation and shopped for shoes. What can I say, I am a man that loves shoe shopping. Is that so wrong?<div><br /></div><div>In Philly, I hit the Puma store (one of my favorite shoe brands) and found a cool new pair of shoes. I also picked a couple pairs of athletic type ankle socks in the store. They were white with giant pumas on the bottom of the feet area.</div><div><br /></div><div>I wore these new socks the next day as we were wandering around downtown Philly. They were very comfortable, they wicked moisture well, and I was very pleased with their performance.</div><div><br /></div><div>So that night, back at the hotel, I removed my shoes and laid down on the bed. I begin to check out my new socks and admire the pumas on the bottom of each foot. As I checked them out, I began to ask them if they enjoyed their day walking around. And then I began to sing to them about how great of socks they were, and how much I loved them.</div><div><br /></div><div>As I did this, Mrs. Stickman and Girl Child had stopped whatever <s>it is annoying females do after returning to the hotel after walking around the city on vacation</s> they were doing, and began to mock me for enjoying the company of my socks. What is that? I performed no mockable act.</div><div><br /></div><div>And, therefore, I ask the question - Is it weird to love a pair of socks? To talk to them about your day? To name them Puma 1 and Puma 2? To sing a little song of love and appreciation to them for bringing you through the day blister free, or for wicking your foot sweat away, or for keeping your feet from stinking? </div><div><br /></div><div>I dare say that NO, it is not weird. It is awesome! It is cool! And it is most definitely absolutely normal!!</div><div><br /></div><div>So eat it Mrs. Stickman and Girl Child! <a href="http://www.stickmanmusings.com">Stickman</a> out!</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>Stickmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10623959653297405267noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2969234848307231958.post-5446562936595913432009-08-11T07:43:00.004-04:002009-08-11T07:57:43.526-04:0030 Million Things You Didn't Know About Money - Just Kidding, It's Really Only 30 Things<p style="margin: 5.0px 0.0px 5.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Do you think you know a lot about money? Maybe you do. Maybe you don’t. But let’s see if any of the following facts are in any way surprising to you:</span></span></p><p style="margin: 5.0px 0.0px 5.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia, fantasy;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 5.0px 0.0px 5.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">1. More of our fantasies are about money… than sex.</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 5.0px 0.0px 5.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">2. If we could have any luxury in the world (and money didn’t matter) more of us would choose to spend money on a butler and a maid than anything else. I would buy Mr. Belvedere and Alice from The Brady Bunch.</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 5.0px 0.0px 5.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">3. 90% of Americans who own pets buy them Christmas gifts. Also, 90% of Americans are retards.</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 5.0px 0.0px 5.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">4. Money is the leading cause of disagreements in marriages. A close second is who controls the money. </span></span></p> <p style="margin: 5.0px 0.0px 5.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">5. 65% of Americans would live on a deserted island all by themselves for an entire year for $1,000,000. Only 50% would go on Survivor.</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 5.0px 0.0px 5.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">6. For $10,000,000 most of us would do almost ANYTHING! Including abandoning our family and friends and our church. A very high percentage of us would, for that same amount of money, change our race or sex. And, 1 in every 14, would even murder someone for ten million bucks. What’s really strange about this is, the statistics remain the same whether it’s ten million dollars all the way down to three million. For three million bucks, most of us would do the same horrible things we would do for ten million. But, guess what? Few of us would do these things for a “measly” two million.</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 5.0px 0.0px 5.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">7. 92% of us would rather be rich than find the love of our lives. 100% of us would rather do both.</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 5.0px 0.0px 5.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">8. Here’s a weighty one: Money (or the lack thereof) is the biggest stress inducer in the lives of Americans. We worry more about money than our marriages, our health, or even who’s going to win the Superbowl Game - unless we have all of our money riding on the game.</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 5.0px 0.0px 5.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">9. If you get your money out of a Hitachi ATM machine in Japan, it will be laundered. The way they do it is, they briefly press the bills between rollers at high enough temperatures to kill most bacteria.</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 5.0px 0.0px 5.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">10. Nearly half of the people who sell their houses with furniture included will take all the light bulbs out of all the lamps when they vacate the premises. It's a great gag, the new owners just walk around bumping into the furniture.</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 5.0px 0.0px 5.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">11. Most people won’t bend over to pick up money lying on the sidewalk unless it’s at least a dollar. This is how Warren Buffet made his first million - by picking up all the change that everyone else walked by.</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 5.0px 0.0px 5.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">12. Most Americans think pennies are a pain in the ass and the U.S. Mint should stop making them. Great idea!</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 5.0px 0.0px 5.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">13. There is about 405 billion dollars in circulation. Only 32 million of that amount is counterfeit. That means, the percentage of counterfeit money in America is .0079%. And, $20 bills are more often counterfeited than $100 bills. And yet, the damn cashiers at the store always have to check the bills with that damn marker thing.</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 5.0px 0.0px 5.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">14. Do people care if their bills are crisp? Indeed, they do. Fresh, crisp, clean bills are considered much more valuable than those which are old, wrinkled and dirty. My Father-in-Law actually irons his money! Can you believe that?</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 5.0px 0.0px 5.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">15. Let’s flip a coin and try to guess whether it will come up heads or tails. Three times as many people guess ‘heads’ than ‘tails’.</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 5.0px 0.0px 5.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">16. Here’s one I personally think really sucks: One out of every four Americans believe their best chance of getting rich is by playing the lottery. One out of ever four Americans are also lazy ass idiots.</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 5.0px 0.0px 5.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">17. How about this one for a shocking fact: 5% of lottery ticket buyers buy 51% of all tickets sold. Trust me, none of these people belong to the “Einsteins of America Society”.</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 5.0px 0.0px 5.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">18. A staggering 74% of us are influenced by how much we can win in a lottery as opposed to the odds of us winning. Duh!</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 5.0px 0.0px 5.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">19. That’s a good thing for the Government because the odds of winning a lottery jackpot are about 10 million to 1.</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 5.0px 0.0px 5.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">20. A person who drives 10 miles to buy a lottery ticket is 3 times more likely to be killed in a car accident while driving to buy the ticket than he is to win the jackpot.</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 5.0px 0.0px 5.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">21. Few people know it but, you can buy single-disease insurance. Can you get it for Moronitis? Then all those lottery ticket buyers could get their ticket expenses reimbursed.</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 5.0px 0.0px 5.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">22. Here’s one that’s really important: 63% of us decide NOT to buy a product advertised on the Internet… because… we think the shipping and handling charges add too much to the order.</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 5.0px 0.0px 5.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">23. Eight times as many Americans would rather use an ATM than deal with a real live teller. I would rather do anything in a way that doesn't have to deal with another human being - they always screw things up!</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 5.0px 0.0px 5.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">24. This one’s going to blow your mind: </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">83% of Americans still pay with checks instead of credit cards! </span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">And 100% of these people get in front of me at the grocery store.</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 5.0px 0.0px 5.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">25. Almost 30% of us say we would need 3 million smackaroos to feel rich. This ties in with the fact most of us would do anything for as little as $3 million… but… not nearly as many of us would do those identical things for a measly $2 million. (Hey, here’s your chance to take advantage of that situation. If you only want to pay $2 million to have something done, ask me if I’ll do it. The chances are, believe it or not, I WILL DO IT.)</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 5.0px 0.0px 5.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">26. Two-thirds of Americans say they wouldn’t let their spouse spend the night and have sex with another person for a million dollars. Many of these people are liars. There’s a big difference being asked if they would do it for a million dollars… as opposed to… handing them a paper sack containing the million fungolas and simply saying, </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">“Here, you can have this if you’ll let me sleep with your sweetie tonight.”</span></span></i></p> <p style="margin: 5.0px 0.0px 5.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">27. More than one-third of American women consider money more important than good sex to the success of a marriage. Maybe I should wear underwear made out of money.</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 5.0px 0.0px 5.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">28. According to Employee Benefits Research Institute 96% of all people who have jobs right now won’t be eligible for their full Social Security benefits when they reach age 65.</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 5.0px 0.0px 5.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">29. One of the best ways to raise money for a charity is to have a free dinner for a lot of people and have an empty envelope tucked under their plate… for the express purpose… of making whatever size donation they want.</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 5.0px 0.0px 5.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">30. People tip more on sunny days than they do on dreary days.</span></span></p><p style="margin: 5.0px 0.0px 5.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia, fantasy;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p style="margin: 5.0px 0.0px 5.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Lot's of interesting insight into the money situation here. I hope we have all learned a valuable lesson. What that lesson is, I have no idea!</span></span></p><p style="margin: 5.0px 0.0px 5.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia, fantasy;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p style="margin: 5.0px 0.0px 5.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><a href="http://www.stickmanmusings.com"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Stickman</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> out!</span></span></p><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'Times New Roman', fantasy;font-size:100%;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 12px;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'Times New Roman', -webkit-fantasy;font-size:100%;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 12px;"><br /></span></span></div>Stickmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10623959653297405267noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2969234848307231958.post-31964885243555092082009-08-06T13:03:00.005-04:002009-08-06T13:36:26.078-04:00It's A Good Thing Martha Washington Was Rich, Cause She Was A HagFar be it from me to criticize the mother of our nation, but that Martha Washington was not a looker in the least bit. Not that George Washington was exactly Brad Pitt or anything himself. With parents like those two, it's no wonder America is such an ugly nation!<div><br /></div><div>I don't know that I had ever really seen a picture of Mrs. Washington before we were in a museum in Philadelphia on our trip last week. As boy child and I were working our way through the photo gallery in this museum, we came across the picture below, and we let out a collective grunt of disgust.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAMBom0bdRC-utFj8WpEtjAjAk9Zcr0jAnuT1wkgDpxLOiO8NtbxqQE89dfAvTV3Dm5Uz4Z_x6CfF5zks9q-GZUq8WMK7RG1GPMT3838Gti6O3Dp4nkLXNkyeOni5gIxom1lLC7d0C-Vc/s1600-h/martha_washington.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 254px; height: 324px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAMBom0bdRC-utFj8WpEtjAjAk9Zcr0jAnuT1wkgDpxLOiO8NtbxqQE89dfAvTV3Dm5Uz4Z_x6CfF5zks9q-GZUq8WMK7RG1GPMT3838Gti6O3Dp4nkLXNkyeOni5gIxom1lLC7d0C-Vc/s400/martha_washington.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5366903466510334274" /></a><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>Stickman Musings' extensive research department, commonly referred to as Wikipedia, has informed me that old Georgie boy got him a Sugar Mama by marrying her. Martha was loaded! Of course, in those days, money (AKA land and slaves) was far more important than looks. I don't know if you've seen paintings of people back then, but it was a pretty well known fact that <i>everyone</i> was ugly.</div><div><br /></div><div>Can you even imagine what people are going to look like in 200 more years? If we look back at our ancestors and are stunned by how ugly they are, how ugly are we going to look to our great great great great great grandchildren? Of course, some of us don't look even look so good to our contemporaries. If I'm this ugly now, imagine how I will look to those 200 years in the future. (Note to self: Destroy all photos of self before death)</div><div><br /></div><div>With this revelation of Martha's ugliness, it is no surprise that George was boinking the slave girls. He clearly had no choice.</div><div><br /></div><div><a href="http://www.stickmanmusings.com">Stickman</a> out!</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>Stickmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10623959653297405267noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2969234848307231958.post-79714304414637154972009-08-05T13:22:00.002-04:002009-08-05T13:50:05.277-04:00An Ode To New York CityOh, New York City<div>How I love you</div><div>You are so big and wondrous</div><div>And full of hullabaloo</div><div><br /></div><div>I am drawn to you</div><div>like a mosquito to a bug zapper</div><div>And no matter what I choose to wear</div><div>You consider it quite dapper</div><div><br /></div><div>Your people are so diverse</div><div>And they speak in many tongues</div><div>Your streets and parks are nice</div><div>And your gutters contain no dungs</div><div><br /></div><div>No matter what I choose to do</div><div>Be it sightseeing or shopping</div><div>You have it all at my disposal</div><div>If in a cab I feel like hopping</div><div><br /></div><div>Your buildings are so tall</div><div>Your attention span so short</div><div>My feet enjoy your sidewalks</div><div>Even with my planter's wart</div><div><br /></div><div>You are the big apple</div><div>And I like to take a bite</div><div>Time's Square is quite lit up</div><div>Especially at night</div><div><br /></div><div>You have a lot of old</div><div>And historical type things</div><div>Also, the Naked Cowboy</div><div>Who plays guitar and sings</div><div><br /></div><div>I can go and see Matt Lauer</div><div>And even be on TV</div><div>Or buy some knockoff sunglasses</div><div>And drink wine in little Italy</div><div><br /></div><div>There are way too many things</div><div>For me to go into here</div><div>So I will just thank you for your bars</div><div>And all your awesome beer</div><div><br /></div><div>I love you New York City</div><div>Of this there is no doubt</div><div>That wraps up this post</div><div>So... Stickman out!</div><div><br /></div>Stickmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10623959653297405267noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2969234848307231958.post-12453084568380080692009-08-04T13:33:00.002-04:002009-08-04T13:42:13.759-04:00Guess Who's Back!The stickman has returned! I know all of my faithful readers have missed me terribly over the past 10 days while I was gone. <div><br /></div><div>I have lots of fun stories to tell about the trip, but it has been a crazy day here getting settled back in. I promise to write a real post tomorrow.</div><div><br /></div><div>In the meantime, consider this.... Where is Old York City?</div><div><br /></div><div><a href="http://www.stickmanmusings.com">Stickman</a> out!</div>Stickmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10623959653297405267noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2969234848307231958.post-1128963434406886052009-07-24T15:35:00.003-04:002009-07-24T15:50:23.830-04:00Hitting The Road - But I Will Be BackSo we are off tomorrow on another exciting Stickman family adventure. I'm sure this will yield just as much excitement as each of our other adventures. You can't help but have a good time and lots of laughs with our sorry lot.<div><br /></div><div>We are first heading to Philadelphia, the birthplace of our great nation. Last time we were there the kids were more excited by the fact that the movie <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;">National Treasure</span> was filmed there than they were about all the great history that happened on the spot. Dumb kids!</div><div><br /></div><div>I don't know if that's worse that the fact that all I get excited about is chowing down on Philly Cheesesteaks. Nothing in this world tastes better that a "with, whiz" from Jim's Steaks downtown. It's like heaven in my mouth. It's also like concrete in my arteries, but who cares, right?</div><div><br /></div><div>Unfortunately, I have to work for a few days in Philly. But it shouldn't be too bad. Especially knowing that when it is done, we are heading to my absolute favorite place - New York City! Aahhh, yes. We get to do some SOHO shopping, some Little Italy eating, some Broadway watching, and some Irish Pub drinking. I love the big apple.</div><div><br /></div><div>Also, we are scheduled to see the Kings of Leon perform on the Today show next Friday morning. Look for me. I'll be the one not holding up a sign, not screaming, and not acting interested in being on TV at all. I'm too cool for that crap! Just look for the stickman.</div><div><br /></div><div>I may, or may not, do any posts while I am gone. We'll see how it works out. If not, know that I am having a great time! And you're not! HA! What do I know, you may be having more fun than me, but I will never admit to that fact.</div><div><br /></div><div><a href="http://www.stickmanmusings.com">Stickman</a> out!</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>Stickmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10623959653297405267noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2969234848307231958.post-78386896159807702462009-07-23T13:12:00.003-04:002009-07-23T13:32:25.764-04:00Governator Cuts Budget With GIANT Knife!Has anyone seen this Twitter video that Governor Arnold "It's Not A Tumor" Schwarzenegger posted, in which he talks about his budget cuts while yielding a giant knife? If not you can <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2GLrmRCs2oo">watch Arnold wave the knife</a> in true Conan the Barbarian fashion.<div><br /></div><div><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDNfXvbvoVIskG2sSrM2nAnWWtYFSyD4lNOLA8XhX9eG2aQWhNf3w9-pBKz-xCmHebmloYx1KvfObtdhb-4hmebGAv8ehz8bbEUDVOm9FAPZa3bssE-vfW-LcaI9JOQPbYykw7HK34FV0/s1600-h/fe348d57-a812-407d-a82a-8c93ac6d37b4.h2.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 361px; height: 275px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDNfXvbvoVIskG2sSrM2nAnWWtYFSyD4lNOLA8XhX9eG2aQWhNf3w9-pBKz-xCmHebmloYx1KvfObtdhb-4hmebGAv8ehz8bbEUDVOm9FAPZa3bssE-vfW-LcaI9JOQPbYykw7HK34FV0/s400/fe348d57-a812-407d-a82a-8c93ac6d37b4.h2.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5361707754939702242" /></a>I wonder where you get a buck knife that big? Is that technically still considered a pocket knife? I wonder if they would get through airport security? It looks like a Photoshop gag. </div><div><br /></div><div>Apparently this article is raising quite a debate of politicians using Twitter. Once they put something out there on Twitter, they can't take it back. And what politician can explain themselves in 140 characters? Certainly not Sarah Palen, although apparently she is trying - to the enjoyment of her detractors.</div><div><br /></div><div>What would have been great is George W. Bush using Twitter. It would have been so cool to see how he spelled all those words that he liked to make up. Would like to see some back and forth tweets between he and Cheney, too. Great entertainment.</div><div><br /></div><div>If you are into Twitter, be sure to follow me over there. User name is StickmanMusings. I promise I'm funnier over there than I am here. Well, not really, but at least my boring is not so drawn out.</div><div><br /></div><div><a href="http://www.stickmanmusings.com">Stickman out!</a></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>Stickmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10623959653297405267noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2969234848307231958.post-175048920733483502009-07-20T15:30:00.003-04:002009-07-20T16:51:13.534-04:00Them Are Some Mighty Fine Odds<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Being a poker player, I love calculating odds. So today, when I received a newsletter in my inbox that had a bunch of odds on it, I thought I would share some with you here. I hope you enjoy.</span><div><br /></div><div><p style="margin: 5.0px 0.0px 5.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">The odds are 1 out of 3,333,333 that you will be killed in a mass murder this year. </span></span><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">- The Week Magazine</span></span></i></b></p><p style="margin: 5.0px 0.0px 5.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-size:16px;">I like my odds here.</span></p><p style="margin: 5.0px 0.0px 5.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:16px;"><br /></span></p><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;font-family:'Times New Roman';font-size:12px;"><p style="margin: 5.0px 0.0px 5.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">The odds are 1 out of 9 that you live with your parents or in-laws if you’re between age 35 and 44. </span></span><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">- The Week Magazine</span></span></i></b></p><p style="margin: 5.0px 0.0px 5.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:16px;">Ironically, the odds are also 1 out of 9 that you are a loser.</span></p><p style="margin: 5.0px 0.0px 5.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:16px;"><br /></span></p><div><p style="margin: 5.0px 0.0px 5.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">The odds are 1 out of 12 that you have used an illegal drug within the past month. </span></span><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">- Parade Magazine</span></span></i></b></p><p style="margin: 5.0px 0.0px 5.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-size:16px;">Whaaat?!? Who told you that? Crazy!</span></p><p style="margin: 5.0px 0.0px 5.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:16px;"><br /></span></p><div><p style="margin: 5.0px 0.0px 5.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"></p><p style="margin: 5.0px 0.0px 5.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">The odds are 2 out of 3 that you’re currently overweight. </span></span><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">- Time Magazine</span></span></i></b></p><p style="margin: 5.0px 0.0px 5.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-size:16px;">Try 3 out of 3! Whoever did this study obviously has never been to my local mall!</span></p><p style="margin: 5.0px 0.0px 5.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:16px;"><br /></span></p><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;"><p style="margin: 5.0px 0.0px 5.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"></p><p style="margin: 5.0px 0.0px 5.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">The odds are 1 out of 182 that you subscribe to an adult-content website if you live in Utah. </span></span><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">- Discover Magazine</span></span></i></b></p><p style="margin: 5.0px 0.0px 5.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-size:16px;">Damn Mormans are pervs!</span></p><p style="margin: 5.0px 0.0px 5.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:16px;"><br /></span></p> <p style="margin: 5.0px 0.0px 5.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">The odds are 1 out of 3 that you have a criminal record, if you have graduated from the Atlanta Police Academy. </span></span><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">- The Week Magazine</span></span></i></b></p><p style="margin: 5.0px 0.0px 5.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-size:16px;">Good to be the PoPo in Atlanta, apparently. Who better to catch a crook than a crook, I guess.</span></p><p style="margin: 5.0px 0.0px 5.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:16px;"><br /></span></p><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;"><p style="margin: 5.0px 0.0px 5.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">The odds are 1 out of 14 that a car accident in the United States is a result of a distraction caused by a cell phone. </span></span><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">- San Diego Union</span></span></i></b></p><p style="margin: 5.0px 0.0px 5.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-size:16px;">This one has to be on the rise. I saw a girl the other day holding her cigarrette out the window with one hand, texting with the other hand, and driving with her knee. At 55MPH in traffic.</span></p><p style="margin: 5.0px 0.0px 5.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;font-size:16px;"><br /></span></p><div><p style="margin: 5.0px 0.0px 5.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">The odds are 1 out of 30 that a human death in 2007 was a direct result of alcohol. </span></span><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">- Medical News Today</span></span></i></b></p><p style="margin: 5.0px 0.0px 5.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-size:16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="">If you have to die, you may as well enjoy it. What a way to go!</span></span></p><p style="margin: 5.0px 0.0px 5.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0); font-size:16px;"><br /></span></p> <p style="margin: 5.0px 0.0px 5.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">The odds are 1 out of 9 that a human death in 2007 in Alaska was a direct result of alcohol. </span></span><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">- Medical News Today</span></span></i></b></p><p style="margin: 5.0px 0.0px 5.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-size:16px;">Eskimos be drinkin! Snowmobiling under the influence. Ironically, 8 out of 9 human births were also the direct result of alcohol.</span></p><p style="margin: 5.0px 0.0px 5.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:16px;"><br /></span></p><div><p style="margin: 5.0px 0.0px 5.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">The odds are 1 out of 3 that if you have a baby in America this year, it will be out–of-wedlock. </span></span><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">- The Week Magazine</span></span></i></b></p><p style="margin: 5.0px 0.0px 5.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-size:16px;">Bastards!</span></p><p style="margin: 5.0px 0.0px 5.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:16px;"><br /></span></p> <p style="margin: 5.0px 0.0px 5.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">The odds are 1 out of 4 that you have genital herpes (if you’re an adult that lives in New York City). </span></span><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">- Yahoo! News</span></span></i></b></p><p style="margin: 5.0px 0.0px 5.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-size:16px;">Note to self...careful on the public toilets when visiting NYC in a few weeks.</span></p><p style="margin: 5.0px 0.0px 5.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:16px;"><br /></span></p><div><p style="margin: 5.0px 0.0px 5.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;"></span></p><p style="margin: 5.0px 0.0px 5.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">The odds are 1 out of 7 that you visited New York City last year. </span></span><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">- The Week Magazine</span></span></i></b></p><p style="margin: 5.0px 0.0px 5.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-size:16px;">Also, 1 out of 28 of you now have genital herpes.</span></p><p style="margin: 5.0px 0.0px 5.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><br /></p><p></p><div><div><p style="margin: 5.0px 0.0px 5.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">The odds are 1 out of 10,000 that you will get injured by a toilet this year. </span></span><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">- San Diego Union</span></span></i></b></p><p style="margin: 5.0px 0.0px 5.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-size:16px;">Does genital herpes count as "injured?"</span></p><p style="margin: 5.0px 0.0px 5.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;font-size:16px;"><br /></span></p><div><p style="margin: 5.0px 0.0px 5.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">The odds are 1 out of 7,143 that you have a brain tumor. </span></span><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">- North County Times</span></span></i></b></p><p style="margin: 5.0px 0.0px 5.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-size:16px;">It's NOT a tumor!</span></p><p style="margin: 5.0px 0.0px 5.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:16px;"><br /></span></p><div><p style="margin: 5.0px 0.0px 5.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">The odds are almost 2 out of 3 that if you’re an American woman you would rather be poor and thin than rich and fat </span></span><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">- The Week Magazine</span></span></i></b></p><p style="margin: 5.0px 0.0px 5.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:16px;">Such idiots! I would rather be rich and thin. Duh!</span></p><p style="margin: 5.0px 0.0px 5.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;font-size:16px;"><br /></span></p><div><p style="margin: 5.0px 0.0px 5.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">The odds are 1 out of 290 that a person in America is an illegal alien. </span></span><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">- Time Magazine</span></span></i></b></p><p style="margin: 5.0px 0.0px 5.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-size:16px;">Again, whoever did this study has obviously not been to my local mall.</span></p><p style="margin: 5.0px 0.0px 5.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;font-size:16px;"><br /></span></p> <p style="margin: 5.0px 0.0px 5.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">The odds are 1 out of 500 that you visited Graceland last year. </span></span><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">- Time Magazine</span></span></i></b></p><p style="margin: 5.0px 0.0px 5.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-size:16px;">I did that! <a href="http://www.stickmanmusings.com/2009/04/king-of-nothing.html">Read about my trip to Graceland</a>.</span></p><p style="margin: 5.0px 0.0px 5.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:16px;"><br /></span></p><div><p style="margin: 5.0px 0.0px 5.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">The odds are 1 out of 5 that you believe the best way to get rich is to win the lottery. </span></span><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">- Yahoo News</span></span></i></b></p><p style="margin: 5.0px 0.0px 5.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:16px;">Odds are also 1 out of 5 that you are a redneck. Seriously though, I often <a href="http://www.stickmanmusings.com/.../212-million-dollar-economic-stimulus.html%20-">dream of winning the lottery</a>.</span></p><p style="margin: 5.0px 0.0px 5.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;font-size:16px;"><br /></span></p> <p style="margin: 5.0px 0.0px 5.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">The odds are 1 out of 200 that you will turn up missing this year, if you’re an Alaskan. </span></span><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">- Boston Globe</span></span></i></b></p><p style="margin: 5.0px 0.0px 5.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-size:16px;">So we have a 1% chance of getting rid of Sarah Palin. Wish those odds were better.</span></p><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">I'm not sure what the odds are on you having enjoyed this post, but I sure hope they are good. I hope you enjoyed these numbers as much as I have (since I have been <a href="http://www.stickmanmusings.com/.../who-decided-it-was-nerdy-to-like-math.html">accused of being a math nerd</a>).</span></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" font-style: normal; font-weight: normal;font-size:16px;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" font-style: normal; font-weight: normal;font-size:16px;"><a href="http://www.stickmanmusings.com/">Stickman</a> out!</span></div><div><br /></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></span></div><p></p></span></div><p></p><div><br /></div></div></div></span></div></div>Stickmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10623959653297405267noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2969234848307231958.post-26558328075246924362009-07-16T16:33:00.002-04:002009-07-16T16:54:13.636-04:00Michael Jackson Memorial Recovery Fund - Donate HereFor those of you that live in remote jungle villages, have just arrived from another planet, were recently discovered frozen in the Arctic, or have just woken up from a coma, I hate to be the one to break it to you, but the King of Pop, Michael Jackson, has tragically passed away at the age of 50.<div><br /></div><div>If you have been among the living, civilized world for the past three weeks, then there is no way in hell you aren't aware of this. It has been the only thing on television for the entirety of the past three weeks. And when I say the only thing, I mean the only thing. Even if the guide says something else is on, when you turn it to that channel you get Michael Jackson.</div><div><br /></div><div>Now granted, when the death first happened, I was riveted. Everyone I knew was riveted. My brother-in-law even admitted to getting out of bed at 1AM while his wife was sleeping, and dancing along with the Jackson videos they were playing. I would never <s>admit</s> do that!</div><div><br /></div><div>However, as time goes on, I am not sure how much more of my life I can dedicate to the gloved one's death. There are only so many times that I can stand seeing Miko Brando on the <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;">Larry King Live</span> show. And I have definitely reached my limit on the number of times I can see Debbie Rowe's ugly face. </div><div><br /></div><div>So I say "no more" to watching Michael Jackson news. I feel like my life is going up in smoke like a wad of Michael Jackson's hair in a 1984 Pepsi commercial shoot. </div><div><br /></div><div>I figure I've wasted at least 2 weeks of my life watching this crap. What is two weeks of my life worth? I figure it at about $1.4 million dollars, plus $150 for my cable bill, and $15 for a CD.</div><div><br /></div><div>With this in mind, I will be setting up a website in order to take donations to recoup the cost of my memorializing Michael Jackson. I know you may think the Jackson family should pay for this directly, since they are the ones that introduced Michael to the world in the first place, but I'm not sure it is their responsibility. So, if you would like to donate to my fund, please post a comment, and I will give you directions.</div><div><br /></div><div>Thank you for your support. <a href="http://www.stickmanmusings.com/">Stickman</a> out!</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>Stickmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10623959653297405267noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2969234848307231958.post-80214501388277815392009-07-15T12:55:00.004-04:002009-07-16T16:56:43.917-04:00I Know You Are But What Am I?There is a common idea amongst the members of my household. It is an idea that I, personally, can not begin to understand. Yet, each other member of my family has come to an agreement (which is something that rarely happens - especially between boy child and girl child), and perhaps I can no longer ignore their observation.<div><br /></div><div>What is this epiphany that my loved and cherished ones have reached? I will tell you, but I warn you that it is not nice. Here it is:</div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">They think I act like a child!</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;"><br /></span></div><div>Shocking, isn't it? It is to me every time that I hear one of them say it. They say, "you are such a little kid" and I reply, "I know you are but what am I?" Or Mrs. Stickman may say, "quit acting like a pathetic baby" to which I say, "Na nana na na nanana naneee."</div><div><br /></div><div>Sure, I may do some childish things like hide girl child's food or make masturbation jokes to boy child. I may sulk and slump my shoulders when someone makes fun of me. I may say "why can't you just love me" every time Mrs. Stickman does or says <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;">anything</span>. But the truth is, I do it all in a <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">very mature</span> way. No child could perform my routine with such passion, such snideness, such downright cuteness, and such incredible hilarity.</div><div><br /></div><div>And yet with all of these wonderful attributes to my performance, I am often threatened with slaps, hits, and hatred. I ask, is that any way to treat a child?</div><div><br /></div><div>And, secretly, I know that they absolutely love it when I do these things. They are just pretending to get annoyed and want to kill me. All part of the fun. Right, Mrs. S?</div><div><br /></div><div><a href="http://www.stickmanmusings.com/">Stickman</a> out!</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>Stickmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10623959653297405267noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2969234848307231958.post-755582905258244992009-07-14T16:11:00.003-04:002009-07-14T16:29:02.102-04:00Dumbass of the Day Goes To...There are dumbasses galore in this country. I pride myself on being able to spot them. Perhaps it is my far superior intelligence that makes them more obvious to me. However, I think all will agree that this guy takes the cake.<div><br /></div><div>U.S. Army Maj. Stefan Frederick Cook wins the dumbass of the day award for his asinine performance in his attempt to get out of being deployed to Afghanistan. His reasoning for asking the court to halt his deployment, you ask? <a href="http://www.ledger-enquirer.com/news/story/776335.html">Barack Obama is not a U.S. citizen</a> and therefore can't be president, and therefore has no legal authority to order Cook to go to Afghanistan. That's right....dumbass!</div><div><br /></div><div>When are people going to give up on this "not a citizen" thing? I thought it was over, but apparently not. Cook's lawsuit is going to start a whole string of lawsuits now...I just know it.</div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;"></span></div><blockquote><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">The I-don't-have-to-pay-my-income-taxes-because-Obama's-not-a-citizen lawsuit.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">The I-can-drink-and-drive-if-I-want-because-the-laws-don't-matter-because-Obama's-not-a-citizen lawsuit.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">The I'm-gonna-marry-5-women-that-may-or-may-not-be-related-to-me-and-own-myself-a-bunch-of-slaves-since-the-constitution-is-void-because-Obama's-not-a-citizen lawsuit.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">The Let's-demand-that-John-McCain-be-awarded-the-Presidency-and-then-we'll-kill-him-so-Sarah-Palin-can-be-President-and-then-quit-when-things-don't-go-her-way-because-Obama's-not-a-citizen lawsuit.</span></div></blockquote><div>These are just a few of the many possibilities of lawsuits that we are going to see ride the coat strings of this dumbass soldier. If the dumbass didn't want to be deployed, then the dumbass shouldn't be in the reserves. We have been at war for what, 8 years now? I'm sure he didn't sign on to the reserves for more than 8 years, right? So he either a) renewed his contract, or b) signed on after the war was going on in the first place. WHAT DID HE EXPECT?</div><div><br /></div><div>And does he really think his little lawsuit is going to work? That everyone else in the country is a dumbass, and he is the only genius to figure this out? I mean, really?!? Give me a break.</div><div><br /></div><div>This is just my humble opinion. <a href="http://www.stickmanmusings.com">Stickman</a> out!</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>Stickmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10623959653297405267noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2969234848307231958.post-49125944742780020052009-07-13T15:09:00.003-04:002009-07-13T15:26:08.263-04:00Poor Poor Brian Dunkleman - Literally Poor Compared To Ryan SeacrestWord is out today that Ryan Seacrest, the new Dick Clark, has signed a new 3-year deal with <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;"><a href="http://www.americanidol.com">American Idol</a></span>. He will stay on as host for a reported $15 million per year. This new super deal makes Seacrest the highest paid reality show host ever, by which they mean he gets paid more than Jeff Probst. <div><br /></div><div>I am pretty sure that there is no one else that would be anywhere near these guy's level, right? Maybe the guy from <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;"><a href="http://abc.go.com/primetime/bachelor/index">The Bachelor</a></span>? He should get bonus money for having to step in at every rose ceremony and remind everyone that "this is the last rose" as if there were anybody in that room or in the viewing audience that didn't know it was the last rose. I mean, really?!? If they are going to make you look like a moron, they should compensate you for it.</div><div><br /></div><div>There aren't too many people that even remember that Ryan Seacrest had a cohost on the first season of American Idol. Back then no one knew who Ryan Seacrest was except people that listened to his local LA radio show, and probably his parents, but I'm not sure about that. His cohost Brian Dunkleman was probably more famous that he was. And yet, America fell in love with Mr. Seacrest, and America has no idea who Dunkleman is.</div><div><br /></div><div>Sure Dunkleman tried to say that he quit. He was taking a stand because the show treated contestants badly according to him, and the whole thing was overproduced and staged. Ironically, back then it wasn't. Maybe he saw what was coming? Dunkleman, the comedic psychic. Now available for children's birthday parties. Literally.</div><div><br /></div><div>Truth is, Dunkleman sucked and Seacrest rocked. Seacrest is an astute business man who now makes gazillions of dollars getting his hand into every money pot in the music and entertainment world. Like I said earlier - the new Dick Clark. I bet Dunkleman hates Seacrest.</div><div><br /></div><div>Poor Brian Dunkleman. Poor, poor Brian Dunkleman. We remember you.</div><div><br /></div><div><a href="http://www.stickmanmusings.com">Stickman</a> out!</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>Stickmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10623959653297405267noreply@blogger.com0