Weight Loss, Snoring, and Scraggly Beards

It never ceases to amaze me at the amount of fat people in the world.  And every time I go to the mall, I find that the number of people that have passed fat and moved on to the world of grotesquely obese is growing exponentially.  It really is quite sad.

I always wonder, at what point does a person give up.  When do they think,  "OK.  I'm fat.  I'm cool with that.  I guess I'll just KEEP EATING"?

A few years ago, we went on a vacation down to the Caribbean.  I decided on that trip that I had gotten a bit too fat myself.  It was mostly just in my belly, but a bit in my upper body as well.  Clothes didn't fit quite like they used to, but mostly I just didn't like the way I looked in my bathing suit . . . picture a 7-month pregnant lady.

Keep in mind that I'm 6'5" tall, and at that time was weighing in at about 228 pounds.  Not what many would consider "fat," but I came home from that trip on a mission.  Through militant calorie counting and religious exercise, I managed to lose 30 pounds in 3 months.  Not only did I look better, but I felt better also.  And the best effect... I stopped snoring and my wife didn't want to kill me every night!

After I lost the weight, I loosened up on the calorie counting and the exercise a bit.  I decided that I was a little too thin, and I worked up to a weight of around 205 that I maintained for a couple of years.  Well below the 210 that seems to be the weight that snoring begins for me.

Over the last 6 months or so, I have been putting on weight far too fast.  And I know exactly why.  I started drinking soda again.  I started eating MORE.  And exercise has been virtually nonexistent.  I am now back up to 223 pounds.  

After another Caribbean vacation in February, I have decided it is time to get myself back in shape.  Apparently the calories my body burns trying to heal itself from the nightly kidney punches my wife gives me for snoring aren't quite enough to garner weight loss!

So I am back on the health bandwagon.  I am watching what I eat, stopping before I'm full, and eating a little smarter.  Although I'm not going to go quite as insane as I did last time.  I am spending time on the weight machine, the treadmill, and playing Wii.  

I am also doing everything I can to increase my metabolism.  I am taking the vitamins and supplements that will help.  The exercise of course.  And even as I sit here writing this blog (at my desk at work all day), my legs are going a mile a minute in the annoying fidgety way that people do.  I also do office chair stomach crunches! It all burns calories and raises metabolism, right?

So where does the beard come in?  I have not shaved since I got back from vacation, and I plan on not shaving until I have lost 10 pounds!  I figure looking like a castaway (or Joaquin Phoenix as a rapper) will give me motivation to hurry up and lose the weight.  I guess we'll see.  Plus, when I shave this beard off I'll probably drop another 5 pounds in hair weight alone!

Don't forget I have been doing this while I'm sick!  Perhaps after I win the lottery tonight, I can hire a personal trainer and nutritionist to help me.

Stickman out!

$212 Million Dollar Economic Stimulus Lottery

I have come up with a fool-proof economic stimulus plan for my household.  All I have to do is win the MegaMillions lottery jackpot tomorrow.  The $212 million dollar jackpot is sure to relieve any economic stress that is currently coming down on us.

I don't see how this plan can fail.  It's so simple.  Step one:  buy a ticket.  Step two:  become a multi-millionaire.  The cash option, after taxes comes to $97.5 million.  Such a great return on investment for $1 cash and two simple steps.

Of course, how many people have dreamed of winning the big jackpot.  A lot of people.  But, how many of those people have ever actually bought a ticket.  A lot less!  And of those that bought a ticket, how many have actually won?  If you look at it that way, it would be easy to give up the dream.

It seems problematic to dream of winning if you don't buy a ticket, however.  I think that winning requires the purchase a ticket....that's part of the rules.  One guy that I know has found a loophole in the system, however.  He just dreams of one of his relatives winning and then giving him half the money.  How lazy are you if you can't even dream of winning yourself?!?

I have a pretty vivid imagination, and I like to dream big.  And occasionally I like to imagine all of the fun and exciting things that I could do with $100 million dollars.  Apartment in Manhattan,  house on the beach, private jet, travel the world with my family, and of course not having to work.  Sounds like a pretty good life.

And I am positive that I am smarter than all of those lottery winners who end up bankrupt within 5 years.  I just don't know how that is even possible.  If you have that much money, you can pay CASH for everything.  So you should have NO debt.  So with NO debt, and millions in assets (real estate, cars, etc), you should always be able to liquidate something even if the money runs out.  People are dumb!

I find life much easier to deal with if you quit expecting someone else to hand you your dreams.  There is no such thing as a "get rich quick" scheme.  No one is going to call you out of the blue and offer up your dream job.  No one is going to randomly select you to receive a million dollars.

Sure these things happen occasionally, and you do hear about them.  But the odds are stacked  astronomically against you.  It is easier to make your own luck.  Or just buckle down with a dogged determination to make your life better.  And be content with what you are able to accomplish.

Sure, dream big.  But live practically.  And perhaps with enough work and a bit of luck, the reality and the dream will become one.

Good luck to all of you dreamers.  Well, at least to the ones that actually buy a ticket.  I may have to get a couple myself.  After all, it is so simple to win!

The Art of Schadenfreude

I am on day three of my sickness, and it's getting worse. Not just the annoying cough and general "sickly" feeling, but also the complete and utter mockery that I am receiving at home from my so called "loved ones."

This leads me to delve into a look at the art of schadenfreude. What is this schadenfreude, you ask? Well, I admit that even though I have been familiar with the act for sometime, I only became familiar with the word a few months ago myself.

Here is the definition from dictionary.com:

scha⋅den⋅freu⋅de [shahd-n-froi-duh]/ˈʃɑdnˌfrɔɪdə/ Show Spelled Pronunciation

–noun
satisfaction or pleasure felt at someone else's misfortune.

I am oh to familiar with schadenfreude. You see, I have married into a family with a long line of experts in the art of mockery. And I think that my wife may have the greatest powers of the clan. The mock is strong in that one.

Here I sit nearly on my death bed. I don't look for pity or sympathy or empathy even. I am perfectly content to suffer alone in silence. But you would think when I am in such obvious misery, I would get at least a little love. But no. I receive mockery in heaps.

Mock the way I cough. Mock the way I sound. Mock mock mock. I can only find comfort in the fact they everyone will feel extremely guilty after I succumb to the microscopic bugs that are sucking the life out of me. But, of course, I would not take any pleasure in their misery of guilt, because I just don't have any schadenfreude in me! I am a nice man.

So, I will continue to nurse myself back into health. If this is the last blog you ever read on this site, then you'll know I didn't make it. Bye for now.