Everything Must Go! Get It While It's Hot!

California is having its blow-out garage sale right now. Apparently by selling a few odds and ins such as old prison uniforms and a spare Xbox 360, the esteemed actor governor of California is convinced that he can wipe out the state's $25 billion deficit. That, my friends, is one hell of a garage sale.

Mrs. Stickman and I tried to do a garage sale once. The thing brought in a gross profit of around $25. Then after we paid the kids off for helping set it up, we brought in a net of about $3. And then we still ended taking a couple truckloads of crap to a charity. The most ridiculous thing about that whole garage sale, however, was the fact that the kids wanted the money for all the crap of theirs that we sold - apparently it didn't matter that I am the one that bought it all.

So anyway, I figure the state of California is screwed. Perhaps they can get a sponsor. You know how all of the sports arenas, and the college bowl games, and almost everything else you can think of has a sponsor now? They could be the Microsoft State of California. Or the Viacom State of California. Or something more saucy like Victoria's Secret State of California. Or we could make it real easy and have it be the Mexico State of California.

From what I understand, they are looking to increase the value of items by having the governor autograph them. I can not think of a better Halloween costume than a California State Penitentiary uniform autographed by Arnold Schwarzeneggar. And who wouldn't want The Terminator's signature on their car? Uhmmm...me.

I wish I would have thought of offering to autograph the things at our garage sale. Who wouldn't want a Stickman autograph on their child's Abercrombie jeans? I bet we could have brought in at least $26 dollars if I would have thought of that.

What are they going to think of next in California? Sell all the stop signs? The traffic lights? Maybe they could sell all their illegal immigrants back to Mexico. That would be a good deal, especially since they would probably just come right back anyway. They could keep reselling the same immigrants.

I bet the top item at the garage sale is the big giant knife that Governor Schwarzenegger used in his famous garage salesman video. I bet they could get at least $100 for a giant buck. $150 if he signed it!

Stickman out!

Michael Jackson - An 8 Year Old's Take

If you aren't aware that Michael Jackson has passed away, that makes you the only person in the civilized world.  How's it feel being the only retard that doesn't know?  Hell, even retards know!  What a loser you are!

Wait...I guess you didn't say that you weren't aware of it.  My apologies for over reacting.

So the King of Pop has died at a relatively young age.  Much like the King of Rock-n-Roll did.  Is there a King of Rap?  King of Hip Hop?  King of Gospel?  If so, did these people die young?  If you know, please tell me.

After my 8 and 9 year old nephews found out that Michael Jackson died last night, the 8 year old said this to the 9 year old:

"It's too bad that MJ died.  I didn't know a lot about him.  I only knew three things:  

He sang good. 
He had a lot of concerts.  
He looked like a girl."

Could anyone have summed it up any better?  I was pretty impressed with his breakdown.  And the MJ abbreviation was his own!

It really is pretty sad that Jackson died.  Even though there was a sigh of relief from 12 year old boys across the country, the overall response seems to be one of sadness.

I was really looking forward to his big comeback, and was even hoping the get a chance to see him if he toured the US.  I was convinced that he was going to start playing Vegas after London.

I did come up with a conspiracy theory last night while watching the news coverage.  It goes like this... He had his doctor (who just happened to be there - right?) help him with an assisted suicide.  He was nervous about these concerts coming up, and he didn't want to go out there and fail and be remembered that way.  So his only way out of them was to die.  And die a legend.

That's my thoughts.  For what they are worth.  Which isn't much, as anyone who has read this blog is fully aware!

Stickman out!

Terrible Tuesdays - Another Special Edition

What is it with Tuesdays that make them so terrible?  So many bad things going on in the world.  Here is my list of terrible things this Tuesday:

Ed McMahon dies.  The Tonight Show sidekick is dead?  This is terrible on so many fronts.   Who the hell is going to say "Heeeeeere's Johnny!" now?  Or, "you sir are correct!"  And I think this means there is a pretty good chance that he is never going to show up on my doorstep with a check for a million dollars now.  Crap!  I've been waiting for years.  At least he doesn't have to worry about his house getting foreclosed on now.

Jon & Kate divorce.  What?!?  Really?!?  If you are anything like me, and absolutely love celebrity gossip, then I'm sure you have been very annoyed with all the tabloid coverage of Jon & Kate's marital problems.  Because - spoiler alert - they are NOT celebrities.  They are so annoying.  Especially her.  I would like to give her a new hairstyle using nothing more than a frying pan.  I wish instead of a divorce they would have announced a murder/suicide pact.

Iran elects - or doesn't.  I knew that Iran was behind the United States in a lot of things, including election processes, but I didn't know that it was just 8.5 years behind us.  Iran's election is taking longer to decide that the old Bush/Gore debacle.  Except instead of counting hanging chads, they are actually hanging guys that may or may not be named chad.  I love how they claim there is no way it could be fraud because the margin was so wide.  Apparently they only cheat enough to get by - don't want to overdo it!

Heat rises.  It's so hot everywhere.  Global warming rocks.  Miami has hottest day in over 60 years.  Obama has to move his press conference due to humidity.  Mrs. Stickman and girl child cancelled their trip to the beach today because it was too hot.  Perez Hilton is hotter than he's ever been, because he got beat up by a guy he called a faggot (I'd be mad too), and then his own GLAAD gets MAAD (I don't know what that means exactly).  What's with all this heat?

Hopefully, this with be the last Terrible Tuesdays, but I wouldn't count it.  The world is going to hell in a handbasket.  It's just going to get terribler and terribler (channeling Charles Barkley).  At least it's only bad on Tuesdays.  The rest of the time the world rocks!

Stickman out!