Wednesday, July 15, 2009

I Know You Are But What Am I?

There is a common idea amongst the members of my household.  It is an idea that I, personally, can not begin to understand.  Yet, each other member of my family has come to an agreement (which is something that rarely happens - especially between boy child and girl child), and perhaps I can no longer ignore their observation.

What is this epiphany that my loved and cherished ones have reached?  I will tell you, but I warn you that it is not nice.  Here it is:

They think I act like a child!

Shocking, isn't it?  It is to me every time that I hear one of them say it.  They say, "you are such a little kid" and I reply, "I know you are but what am I?"  Or Mrs. Stickman may say, "quit acting like a pathetic baby" to which I say, "Na nana na na nanana naneee."

Sure, I may do some childish things like hide girl child's food or make masturbation jokes to boy child.  I may sulk and slump my shoulders when someone makes fun of me.  I may say "why can't you just love me" every time Mrs. Stickman does or says anything.  But the truth is, I do it all in a very mature way.  No child could perform my routine with such passion, such snideness, such downright cuteness, and such incredible hilarity.

And yet with all of these wonderful attributes to my performance, I am often threatened with slaps, hits, and hatred.  I ask, is that any way to treat a child?

And, secretly, I know that they absolutely love it when I do these things.  They are just pretending to get annoyed and want to kill me.  All part of the fun.  Right, Mrs. S?

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1 comment:

  1. You're preachin' to the choir. I joked the other day "If you want to know if your child is already masturbating, make sure there's plenty of Cheetos available 24/7."

    -Man I thought the pastor was gonna freak.

    (I owe you 1 HB vote ... I burned mine up already. Sorry!!)