Them Are Some Mighty Fine Odds

Being a poker player, I love calculating odds.  So today, when I received a newsletter in my inbox that had a bunch of odds on it, I thought I would share some with you here.  I hope you enjoy.

The odds are 1 out of 3,333,333 that you will be killed in a mass murder this year.  - The Week Magazine

I like my odds here.

The odds are 1 out of 9 that you live with your parents or in-laws if you’re between age 35 and 44. - The Week Magazine

Ironically, the odds are also 1 out of 9 that you are a loser.

The odds are 1 out of 12 that you have used an illegal drug within the past month. - Parade Magazine

Whaaat?!?  Who told you that?  Crazy!

The odds are 2 out of 3 that you’re currently overweight. - Time Magazine

Try 3 out of 3!  Whoever did this study obviously has never been to my local mall!

The odds are 1 out of 182 that you subscribe to an adult-content website if you live in Utah. - Discover Magazine

Damn Mormans are pervs!

The odds are 1 out of 3 that you have a criminal record, if you have graduated from the Atlanta Police Academy. - The Week Magazine

Good to be the PoPo in Atlanta, apparently.  Who better to catch a crook than a crook, I guess.

The odds are 1 out of 14 that a car accident in the United States is a result of a distraction caused by a cell phone. - San Diego Union

This one has to be on the rise.  I saw a girl the other day holding her cigarrette out the window with one hand, texting with the other hand, and driving with her knee.  At 55MPH in traffic.

The odds are 1 out of 30 that a human death in 2007 was a direct result of alcohol. - Medical News Today

If you have to die, you may as well enjoy it.  What a way to go!

The odds are 1 out of 9 that a human death in 2007 in Alaska was a direct result of alcohol. - Medical News Today

Eskimos be drinkin!  Snowmobiling under the influence.  Ironically, 8 out of 9 human births were also the direct result of alcohol.

The odds are 1 out of 3 that if you have a baby in America this year, it will be out–of-wedlock. - The Week Magazine

Bastards!

The odds are 1 out of 4 that you have genital herpes (if you’re an adult that lives in New York City). - Yahoo! News

Note to self...careful on the public toilets when visiting NYC in a few weeks.

The odds are 1 out of 7 that you visited New York City last year. - The Week Magazine

Also, 1 out of 28 of you now have genital herpes.

The odds are 1 out of 10,000 that you will get injured by a toilet this year. - San Diego Union

Does genital herpes count as "injured?"

The odds are 1 out of 7,143 that you have a brain tumor. - North County Times

It's NOT a tumor!

The odds are almost 2 out of 3 that if you’re an American woman you would rather be poor and thin than rich and fat - The Week Magazine

Such idiots!  I would rather be rich and thin.  Duh!

The odds are 1 out of 290 that a person in America is an illegal alien. - Time Magazine

Again, whoever did this study has obviously not been to my local mall.

The odds are 1 out of 500 that you visited Graceland last year. - Time Magazine

I did that!  Read about my trip to Graceland.

The odds are 1 out of 5 that you believe the best way to get rich is to win the lottery. - Yahoo News

Odds are also 1 out of 5 that you are a redneck.  Seriously though, I often dream of winning the lottery.

The odds are 1 out of 200 that you will turn up missing this year, if you’re an Alaskan. - Boston Globe

So we have a 1% chance of getting rid of Sarah Palin.  Wish those odds were better.

I'm not sure what the odds are on you having enjoyed this post, but I sure hope they are good.  I hope you enjoyed these numbers as much as I have (since I have been accused of being a math nerd).

Stickman out!