Tuesday, August 11, 2009

30 Million Things You Didn't Know About Money - Just Kidding, It's Really Only 30 Things

Do you think you know a lot about money? Maybe you do. Maybe you don’t. But let’s see if any of the following facts are in any way surprising to you:

1. More of our fantasies are about money… than sex.

2. If we could have any luxury in the world (and money didn’t matter) more of us would choose to spend money on a butler and a maid than anything else. I would buy Mr. Belvedere and Alice from The Brady Bunch.

3. 90% of Americans who own pets buy them Christmas gifts. Also, 90% of Americans are retards.

4. Money is the leading cause of disagreements in marriages. A close second is who controls the money.

5. 65% of Americans would live on a deserted island all by themselves for an entire year for $1,000,000. Only 50% would go on Survivor.

6. For $10,000,000 most of us would do almost ANYTHING! Including abandoning our family and friends and our church. A very high percentage of us would, for that same amount of money, change our race or sex. And, 1 in every 14, would even murder someone for ten million bucks. What’s really strange about this is, the statistics remain the same whether it’s ten million dollars all the way down to three million. For three million bucks, most of us would do the same horrible things we would do for ten million. But, guess what? Few of us would do these things for a “measly” two million.

7. 92% of us would rather be rich than find the love of our lives. 100% of us would rather do both.

8. Here’s a weighty one: Money (or the lack thereof) is the biggest stress inducer in the lives of Americans. We worry more about money than our marriages, our health, or even who’s going to win the Superbowl Game - unless we have all of our money riding on the game.

9. If you get your money out of a Hitachi ATM machine in Japan, it will be laundered. The way they do it is, they briefly press the bills between rollers at high enough temperatures to kill most bacteria.

10. Nearly half of the people who sell their houses with furniture included will take all the light bulbs out of all the lamps when they vacate the premises. It's a great gag, the new owners just walk around bumping into the furniture.

11. Most people won’t bend over to pick up money lying on the sidewalk unless it’s at least a dollar. This is how Warren Buffet made his first million - by picking up all the change that everyone else walked by.

12. Most Americans think pennies are a pain in the ass and the U.S. Mint should stop making them. Great idea!

13. There is about 405 billion dollars in circulation. Only 32 million of that amount is counterfeit. That means, the percentage of counterfeit money in America is .0079%. And, $20 bills are more often counterfeited than $100 bills. And yet, the damn cashiers at the store always have to check the bills with that damn marker thing.

14. Do people care if their bills are crisp? Indeed, they do. Fresh, crisp, clean bills are considered much more valuable than those which are old, wrinkled and dirty. My Father-in-Law actually irons his money! Can you believe that?

15. Let’s flip a coin and try to guess whether it will come up heads or tails. Three times as many people guess ‘heads’ than ‘tails’.

16. Here’s one I personally think really sucks: One out of every four Americans believe their best chance of getting rich is by playing the lottery. One out of ever four Americans are also lazy ass idiots.

17. How about this one for a shocking fact: 5% of lottery ticket buyers buy 51% of all tickets sold. Trust me, none of these people belong to the “Einsteins of America Society”.

18. A staggering 74% of us are influenced by how much we can win in a lottery as opposed to the odds of us winning. Duh!

19. That’s a good thing for the Government because the odds of winning a lottery jackpot are about 10 million to 1.

20. A person who drives 10 miles to buy a lottery ticket is 3 times more likely to be killed in a car accident while driving to buy the ticket than he is to win the jackpot.

21. Few people know it but, you can buy single-disease insurance. Can you get it for Moronitis? Then all those lottery ticket buyers could get their ticket expenses reimbursed.

22. Here’s one that’s really important: 63% of us decide NOT to buy a product advertised on the Internet… because… we think the shipping and handling charges add too much to the order.

23. Eight times as many Americans would rather use an ATM than deal with a real live teller. I would rather do anything in a way that doesn't have to deal with another human being - they always screw things up!

24. This one’s going to blow your mind: 83% of Americans still pay with checks instead of credit cards! And 100% of these people get in front of me at the grocery store.

25. Almost 30% of us say we would need 3 million smackaroos to feel rich. This ties in with the fact most of us would do anything for as little as $3 million… but… not nearly as many of us would do those identical things for a measly $2 million. (Hey, here’s your chance to take advantage of that situation. If you only want to pay $2 million to have something done, ask me if I’ll do it. The chances are, believe it or not, I WILL DO IT.)

26. Two-thirds of Americans say they wouldn’t let their spouse spend the night and have sex with another person for a million dollars. Many of these people are liars. There’s a big difference being asked if they would do it for a million dollars… as opposed to… handing them a paper sack containing the million fungolas and simply saying, “Here, you can have this if you’ll let me sleep with your sweetie tonight.”

27. More than one-third of American women consider money more important than good sex to the success of a marriage. Maybe I should wear underwear made out of money.

28. According to Employee Benefits Research Institute 96% of all people who have jobs right now won’t be eligible for their full Social Security benefits when they reach age 65.

29. One of the best ways to raise money for a charity is to have a free dinner for a lot of people and have an empty envelope tucked under their plate… for the express purpose… of making whatever size donation they want.

30. People tip more on sunny days than they do on dreary days.

Lot's of interesting insight into the money situation here. I hope we have all learned a valuable lesson. What that lesson is, I have no idea!

Stickman out!

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