Tuesday, June 30, 2009

My Petition For Custody Of Michael Jackson's Kids

As everyone is aware, there is going to be some major legal moves in attempts to gain custody of The Gloved One's children.  Already, yesterday, his mother has filed a petition to the court for custody.  

I would guess that we will see more people wanting custody in the next few weeks.  This is going to make the whole Anna Nicole Smith baby thing seem tame!

Since trying to get custody of Michael Jackson's kids seems to be the "thing to do" in Hollywood these days, I figure I'd throw my hat (just like MJ) into the ring.  Here are the key reasons for my argument to the court:

1.  I'm not a Jackson.  I've got that going for me.  By not being a member of that family I am at least 4 times more sane than any of those choices.

2.  I have a whole collection of Halloween masks and blankets.  I am fully prepared to hide the kids faces from any paparazzi that may appear.  Which brings me to my next point. . .

3.  No paparazzi in my town.  My little Midwest town is not known for celebrities, and therefore we are pretty much paparazzi free.  Perhaps this will help give the kids a chance at normality.

4.  I look relatively normal.  It might be a nice switch for the kids to have a parent that wasn't a bit odd looking.  Perhaps someone with a full nose, and someone who doesn't have an extra butt crack on their chin.  I've got that covered.

5.  No high railings in my house.  This eliminates any option for dangling kids over the rail.  Safety first is the motto at the Stickman home.

These are just five of the points in my 100 page document.  I don't want to reveal too much until the proceedings are complete.  No way am I letting any of you other Michael-Jackson's- Kid's-Parents-Wanna-Be's steal any of my genius ideas.

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