Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Bird Shit, Joe Biden, and Donald Trump

We have some kind of renegade bird around our house that we believe has fallen in love with its own reflection in a mirror that hangs on our porch.  Apparently, the damn bird gets so excited looking at himself that he can't control his bowels.  Therefore, we end up with a good portion of our porch, including a rocking chair, that is completely covered in bird shit!

I can't even begin to tell you how much bird crap is out there.  I don't know how a bird could eat enough to crap that much.  Even with my irritable bowel syndrome and love of spicy food, I couldn't produce that much crap.  I could eat a whole pan of Ex-lax brownies, and then I might come close.

Typically in today's America, if someone makes that big of a mess, when the shit hits the fan and splatters everything, then that person has to apologize to the American people.  We are a very apologetic society.  And the worst thing about it, is that you know the people don't mean it when they apologize.

For instance, Joe Biden is always apologizing for something he said.  He single-handedly brings down the airline and public transportation industries because he said he wouldn't have his family travel on them during the "Swine Flu Scare of 09."  And he had to apologize.  

A guy writes an article where he makes a "joke/illustration" in which Nancy Pelosi gets shot.  He has to apologize.  Wanda Sykes makes jokes about Rush Limbaugh being a terrorist and having kidney failure.  She has to apologize.  Obama laughs at said joke, HE has to apologize.

It's getting to the point where as soon as you say anything in this country, it has to immediately be followed by "I'm sorry."  Kinda like me at home with Mrs. Stickman!  Not really.  I'm sorry.  Just kidding.  Not about being sorry, but about having to say it.  I'm sorry.  It's out of control!

The "apology scandal" that won't go away is this stupid Ms. California crap.  Does this really need to keep going on.  She bashes gays.  People bash her.  She may lose her crown.  She may not.  Who cares!

If your whole situation can be remedied with a pardon from Donald Trump, then your problem isn't that bad.  It's like a never ending episode of The Apprentice.  And how sad is it that the whole Ms. America franchise has become so reduced that it all falls on the whims of The Donald.  

Maybe the bird is sorry for crapping all over my porch.  Maybe it was an accident.  Or maybe it is a terrorist.  Either way, if I see it I am going to shoot it.

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