Thursday, May 28, 2009

Embarrassing Kids - Summer Edition

A while back I wrote a very well received piece on how to embarrass your children.  It was just a collection of some of the things that I like to do when I'm around my kids in order to embarrass them in front of their friends and/or perfect strangers.  

With summer coming on strong, and the kids and their friends being around the house a lot more, I have been thinking about all of the things that I can do to amp up the embarrassment a bit.  Here is a list of my ideas, some are proven from past use, and some are mere concepts that I'm working on.

Here they are:
Inappropriate Swimwear.  I can think of nothing that would get them better than me wearing a speedo out by the pool (or at the beach) when their friends are over.  This could really be amped up with the addition of specially placed socks.

Outrageous Singing.  This was on the original list, but is great for summer.  We always have music playing when we're out by the pool.  Plus we can drive with the windows down and really sing so other cars at stop lights can hear.  Just the other day Mrs. S did a wonderful operatic rendition of a Beastie Boys song.

Hot Tub Intervention.  Whenever the kids and their friends are in the hot tub, it is always fun to cram yourself in with them.  It ruins all of their fun, and they can't have their normal conversations.  It can make for some very awkward and embarrassing situations.

Force Feed Kids.  We have had instances where we have prepared food that the kids have had a  friend that didn't like it.  It's fun to make the kid feel really, really bad about not eating any.  I like to go on and on about how much my feelings are hurt that they won't eat my macaroni salad, or whatever it is.  And then I will keep mentioning it every few minutes, and then every time they come over after that.

Sexy Talk.  It's always a good time to talk about how hot Mrs. Stickman is in front of the kids.  This works really well in the summer when she is in a bathing suit all the time.  While sitting around the table eating, I will mention something about how great her breasts look in her bathing suit, or something along those lines.  This one works with just our kids the best.

Catch Phrases.  I always enjoy yelling ridiculous catch phrases, or just dumb things, every time that I jump in the pool.  These range from "cowabunga" to "I'm going to get you water" to "frankly my dear, I don't give a damn."  The more out there they are the better.

Overzealous Badminton.  We usually set up a badminton net in the backyard, and have a good time playing it.  I really like to get super serious about it, as if I were in the Olympics.  I have this phenomenal overhand serve that I like to do, very similar to a tennis pro serve.  Everyone thinks I am insane.

Announce Changing.  In the summer, we go to the beach often.  It always seems that one of the kids ends up changing in the car for some reason or another.  When they do this, I like to stand by the car and yell, "Naked boy in this car!"  Or "Naked girl over here!"  It really gets them to change a lot faster!

These are just some of the many things that you can do to embarrass your kids as you are out and about this summer.  Of course all of the original ways to embarrass them still apply as well!

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