Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Undisclosed Names On Britain "Banned List" Revealed

Britain's Home Secretary (very much like our Secretary of State, but much more down to earth sounding don't you think?) has recently released a list of people that they have decided not to let into their country.  A sort of "least wanted" list if you will.

It seems that all you have to do to make the list is be extreme about something - or hate someone, or some group of people.  The banned people include jew haters, black haters, gay haters, and apparently Democrat haters - conservative radio host Michael Savage made the list.

However, there were six people that made the list that were excluded from public naming because it would not be "in the public interest" according to British officials.  But, you, as a reader of Stickman Musings will be the first to hear who these six people are, and the reason for their ban, thanks to the amazing investigative reportings of the Stickman (really just by my CIA connections).  Here they are:

Barack Obama.  First a cheap DVD set for the Prime Minister, and then an iPod for the Queen.  You and your cheap-ass, tacky gifts can stay the hell out of our country.

Michelle Obama.  You touched the Queen for crying out loud!  That's just not cricket!

Matt Damon.  Jason Bourne is just far too much of a threat to James Bond.  And we're close to banning Jack Bauer, too!

Shuan White.  We don't like extremists of any type, and you are the poster child for extreme sports.  Plus you always beat us in the Olympics.

Susan Boyle.  If we can get her to leave, we are not letting her back in.  We're as sick of her as the rest of the world.

Michael Jackson.  Uhmm...about all those concerts that you have planned here to try to get yourself out of debt - yeah, that's not going to happen.  We just don't want to - pardon the pun - expose our young boys to you.  Not gonna happen.

So there you have it - the complete list.  Please don't tell anyone where you saw it - then I'd have to kill you.

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