Friday, May 8, 2009

An Original Work of Fart

Have I ever mentioned here on the old blog how I get no respect.  I'm pretty sure that I have, but I'm guessing no one respected me enough to listen to it.  So I say it again - I get no respect!!!  I make Rodney Dangerfield seem like the Pope, that's how bad it is.

Last night Mrs. Stickman, girl child, and myself were in the vehicle heading to the mall.  We were on a quest to locate a dress for girl child to wear to her middle school graduation in a few weeks.  I know, fun, right?  

So we are driving along, and I ask a simple question to the members of the females species.  I say, "Have I told you guys how awesome I am yet today?"      I'm telling you, that line went over like a Paula Abdul comeback performance.  

Finally, Mrs. S says, "I don't even know what to say to that."  I don't know what the big deal was, I was just checking so that I could tell them, in case I hadn't.  It seemed only fair that they knew.

Shortly thereafter, girl child began one of her cheers that she likes to do in an attempt to mock me.  She began, "My name is Stickman, and I'm not awesome..."  

So I say to her, "There you go again wishing you were me.  It's just not going to happen.  I'm one of a kind" (Mrs. S said "thank god" at that point) "You can dream of being me, but it's not possible because I am an original work of art."

"More like an original work of fart," says Mrs. S.  WHAT?!?!  Have I mentioned that I love this woman?

Once we were at the mall, I was being very helpful and picking out lots of dresses.  I was very careful to only pick out the ugliest dresses there.  I was hoping to be sent away so I could go to a movie.  It didn't work, but I did get to go and read at Barnes & Noble while they finished shopping, which didn't take too long.  

After we went to dinner where I was mocked and disrespected more, and stopped at a shoe store where I picked out some very nice shoes to go with the dress (hehe..they were funny), we went home and the dress was modeled for me.  It looked very nice.

Mrs. S said we should get a simple necklace to go with it.  I suggested we get a very large necklace that would cover up the entire front of her.  The dress was a bit revealing, and I must admit I felt like a bit of a pervert even looking at her in it!!  

She's growing up too fast!!  I will be spending my weekend sharpening all of my knives and loading all my guns to make sure that no guy even dreams of coming close to her.  I may make a request to the principal that all boys - and men - at graduation have to wear blindfolds.  That could work.

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  1. Aww, sounds like you're outnumbered.

  2. Do you really want your daughter to look like Mr. T at her middle school graduation?

    I pity da foo!

  3. I'm actually impressed your daughter would even LET you go shopping with her.