Friday, May 29, 2009

If You Can Spell Kayva Shivashankar You Win The Spelling Bee

I don't know when our world became so boring that they had to start broadcasting the Scripps National Spelling Bee in prime time, but apparently it has happened.  Last night the bee was aired on ABC, in which it finished in the ratings behind reruns of crime dramas.  Can you spell SUCK?

Here is what I think happened.  Somebody at ABC said, "You know I saw that Broadway play 'The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee' and it was a pretty good show.  Laughed my ass off.  We should put a spelling bee on TV!" And this is what they come up with, thinking it will be a real winner.   Can you spell NOT?

And even more shocking is the fact the the preliminary rounds of the spelling bee were broadcast on ESPN.  I had no idea that spelling was a sport!  I could have been my high school's biggest athletic superstar if I had known this.  I could have lettered in letters!  Can you spell UNCOORDINATED?

I did not watch this monstrosity; however, I saw some clips on the news this morning.  Apparently the thing was won by a 13 year old girl, making her 4th appearance at the event.  She has finished in the top 10 each time.  Can you spell NERD?

The girl's name was Kayva Shivashankar.  If you ask me, she had an unfair advantage from the start.  One of the first things you learn how to spell is your name, right?  If she had to learn to spell that mess of a name first thing, every other word had to be easy after that!  Can you spell ALIEN?

She managed to win it all on the word laodicean.  A word that sums up the way I - and apparently most television viewers -  feel about the spelling bee.  Webster defines it as "lukewarm or indifferent."  Can you spell BORING?

I also don't understand why they can't just spell the damn words.  But no!  First they have to ask five meaningless questions, and then play Helen Keller and spell the words into their hands, and then ask the same five meaningless questions, and THEN they spell it.  Can you spell LONG?

I was pleased to see that my favorite word was included in one of the earlier rounds.  Can you spell SCHADENFREUDE?

In summary, it would be a lot easier contest if you only had to spell BEE.  Stickman out!

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1 comment:

  1. ABC is banking on some kid wigging out on national TV and everyone saying, "Wow did you see the kid freak out last night."
    That's why I watch it.
    You should take it easy on those kids, they're never, ever going to go out on a date or have a social life.