Monday, March 16, 2009

If You're Gonna Spew - Spew Into This

So this morning I wake up not feeling so hot. Got that strange feeling like I could totally hurl. Not cool. But me, being Mr. Perfect Attendance that I am, sucked it up and headed out to work.

As long as I have worked at my current employer, I have never taken a single sick day. The only exception is that I took 3 days off after I had my gall bladder removed a few years back. But the doctor made me do that. I just hardly ever get sick, and now here I've been sick twice in the last three weeks.

I happen to have a long record of perfect attendance. I am truly the ultimate nerd. My entire school career, I had perfect attendance every year except two. One year my grandma died, and we had to go out of town to her funeral. And one year I missed one day of school for some other family trip. Pretty pathetic, right? You don't even want to know about my church attendance record! Oh my, mega nerd here.

So, I'm at work this morning and I am sitting in my Monday morning manager's meeting, and the entire time I am on the edge of my seat because I know that at any second I am going to have to go running for the bathroom to spew. I was pretty sure that what was in me wasn't going to fit into my coffee cup.

Finally, the manager's meeting ends, I go in the bathroom and spew, and I am sweating like a beer bottle on a humid summer day. This is not cool. Blowing chunks at work sucks. And I don't exactly leave a toothbrush in my desk....perhaps I should from now on.

So about noon I take off from work and head home. It's pretty much been an afternoon of major discomfort and some serious, serious upchucking.

As I'm trying to figure out where this came from, the only thing I can think of is that Mrs. Stickman went to the corner ice cream shop last night and got us all ice cream. And I ate a big old Reese's Peanut Butter Cup Blizzard type thing. So I'm thinking that this must be the culprit. Maybe it's that whole peanut butter salmonella thing? But then I think that the girl child got the same thing as me (she is always copycatting me, it's so sad) and she didn't get sick.

But then a better reason comes into my head. It's too convenient. Yesterday we were watching a 48 Hours Mystery show about this lady that killed her husband by continually poisoning him with small doses of rat poison. And I think that it took Mrs. S. a longer amount of time than it should have to get the ice cream last night. Sure she said there was a 5 car line, so it went slow. But what a weak alibi. The timing is perfect for her to run into the store across the street from the ice cream store and buy some rat poison!

Once I feel good enough to move, I'm totally busting out my super sleuth, CIA skills and getting to the bottom of this! Until then, I'll just keep tossing the old cookies.

The suckiest part is that it is just an absolutely awesome spring day out, and we were planning on grilling for the first time this year. I love to grill. I am known worldwide as the grillmeister. Perhaps you have heard of me? I am working on a little grill cookbook called Grilling With Awesomeness™ that will be in stores near you soon. Or not.

I hope and pray to all higher powers that I will feel better tomorrow. Throwing up sucks! My whole body aches. I would mention that it might be some sort of tumor, but I know everyone in my house would simulateneously yell, "It's NOT a tumor!"

Stickman Out! But hopefully not forever!
Digg Technorati Delicious StumbleUpon Reddit Facebook Google Bookmark Yahoo

No comments:

Post a Comment