Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Bedbugs - Our Greatest Environmental Challenge

The globe is warming.  The polar ice caps are melting.  Pollution is making our air unbreathable.  Water runoff from urban areas is ruining our rivers and killing wildlife.  The earth is in serious trouble, right?

It is a good thing that we have the Environmental Protection Agency to figure out the answers to these problems.  I know that they are dedicating every minute to hard work and research to solve these important issues.  It is priority numero uno!

What's that?  Oh. I see.

It appears that I have been mistaken.  The EPA has put the environment on the back burner to tackle the even more important issue of bedbugs.  Apparently, they will not rest until the entire world can have a good night and sleep tight.  And then at that point, one can hope, they will actually get back to the environmental issues.

According to this article, this bedbug epidemic is on the rise, and will soon be out of control!  No one is safe!

There are college dorms that are infested.  I see how this could happen, because no one I knew in college washed their sheets more than once a semester.  Apparently homeless shelters are also infested too.  Really?  What aren't those things infested with.

The one that gets me though is that there are "swanky" hotels around the country infested, including in our nation's capital.   And let's be honest, this is the reason that someone is looking in to it.  College students?  Bummer.  Homeless people?  Who cares.  Swanky hotel visitors?  My god, man, something must be done!

I have decided that to be safe, whenever I make a hotel reservation, I will first ask the agent if their hotel is considered "swanky."  If it is, then I will find myself another hotel.  If I'm going to spend a bunch of money on a room, and still not sleep tight, then I might as well stay at a homeless shelter for free.  Am I right?  I still get free breakfast.

Perhaps I can get President Obama to appoint me as the Bedbug Czar, heading up the Department of Bedtime Security.  I can travel from swanky hotel to swanky hotel with a blacklight and a pair of red glasses.  I would be like half CSI and half Orkin man.  I'd hunt those bedbugs down like they were Osama bin Laden.  My own personal War on Terror.

Let's just hope we can kill all those bugs before the planet explodes in a ball of fire.  Although, that would be a good way to kill all those bugs.

Stickman out!

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  1. I had just read that article, too, and thought "Really, THIS is a huge problem?" Although, I am pretty happy I don't stay in hotels that much b/c the DNA on one of those bedspreads could probably get me pregnant.

  2. The husband and I are going away for the weekend, my we should just stay in a tent.

  3. Listen Stickman, I have to be honest and say that the title gave me the heebie jeebies. I for one hate the thought of little bugs attacking me while I sleep. The can get in my ears and nose and eyeballs... ::shiver::!

  4. As long as people are carefully admonished not "to let them bite" before going to bed, I really don't see the problem.

  5. Brooke... I wonder if that's what happened to the virgin mary?

    Sue... There are no beds in tents, so that should be safe!

    Bee... Kinda makes you wanna wash the sheets every day doesn't it?

    Shawn... Excellent point! Knowing the government, that is probably what they will come up with at the conference.

  6. All the more reason to couch-surf like I do.

    Or is it?