Friday, April 24, 2009

Forgiveness Friday - I Beg Your Pardon

It's the second Double-F Friday in a row.  Last weak, I did Freaky Friday, which was rather disturbing.  I can't even stomach looking at that post.

Since today is a Double F-ing Friday in the truest sense, and since nothing is going my way today (I majorly cursed out a 3-hole puncher earlier) I have decided to dub today Forgiveness Friday, and use the power of the pardon to forgive certain people, places, and things.  

On the Day of our Lord, the 24th day of April, in the year of 2009, I, Stickman, do hearby bestow my forgiveness upon the following souls:

The 3-Hole Punch.  I know it's not your fault that sometimes you get jammed up.  I just need to empty you more often and take care of you better.  Sorry I yelled at you.  You are forgiven.

The Economy.  I know you wickedly suck right now.  But is it really your fault?  It's not like you gave all those home loans yourself.  I think you are getting a bad rap, and, therefore, I forgive you for sucking so bad.

AIG Employees.  So you got some big bonuses and people are pretty pissed at you.  But I can't blame you.  If someone handed me a big bonus check, I would take it too!  Especially in this sucky economy (sorry, Economy).  I forgive you for looking out for yourselves.

The CIA/Pentagon.  Everybody knows you tortured some terrorists.  There's no hiding it anymore.  But it's OK.  We watch 24, and we understand when Jack often (hehe... I said Jack off) has to torture people, so I think we can understand that you do too.  I forgive you for it.  Besides, we blame Dick Cheney, don't we?

Susan Boyle.  So you are ugly, homely, you've never been kissed, but you can sing good enough to make a big splash on a British talent show.  Sure there is nothing special about this, but the media decided to turn it into a sensation anyway.  Is that your fault really?  I just can't bring myself to blame you.  So I forgive you.  However, feel free to lock yourself in a dungeon somewhere never to be seen again.

The Midwest.  You are cold all winter, is that really your fault.  It's not like you chose to be located where you are.  That's just the way the continental plates shifted.  Besides, you have made it to nearly 80 degrees today, and you deserve a break for that.  I forgive you for winter.

Paula Abdul.  Is it really your fault that you are a complete waste of DNA?  Well, maybe it is.  You are the one that did the drugs.  And you are the one that keeps insisting on being in the public eye, and opening your mouth to spew out senseless words combined into senseless sentences.  But I forgive you.  Wait.  I take it back.  I don't forgive you at all.  Hah!  Two steps forward, three steps back.

Diesel.  You write one of the funniest blogs on the internet.  And then you go and take a sabbatical and leave the whole world hanging.  WTF?  But, I forgive you.  I know that you will be back and funnier than ever.

That ends today's pardons.  If you feel you or someone else deserves forgiveness, please feel free to let me know or add them in the comments.

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