Yo Ho! No Not You Hooker, I'm Just Singing A Pirate Song

Pirates.  They're so hot right now.  Everywhere you turn it's pirates this and pirates that.  But mostly they are getting a bad rep.  I hear they are currently in negotiations with Johnny Depp to be a spokesperson for them.  However, when approached, he ran away in fear.

After an amazing rescue by the Navy SEALS, in which 3 pirates were killed - not to mention a promise by the US President to deal with the issue, you would think these pirates would back down and shrink away.  But is this what they did?  No way.  They went and hijacked 4 more ships!

Some may think these pirates are daring or brave.  Some may think they are just that desperate from living in a third world country with little to no opportunities for its citizens.  But I know the truth.  They are just dumb!

This is an actual transcript that I received from one of my contacts in the CIA:

Pirate Leader:  Let's get out there and hijack us some ships!

Pirate 1:  But, pirate leader sir, what about the SEALS that the US Navy has sent here.

Pirate Leader:  You mean to tell me that you are afraid of some seals?

Pirate 1:  Yes, pirate leader sir.  They are dangerous.

Pirate Leader:  What are you scared of?  That they will clap at you?

Pirate 2:  But, oh great pirate leader sir, they have already killed some of our comrades.

Pirate Leader:  Oh, scary.  What did they do?  Throw a beach ball at them with their nose?

Pirate 2:  I don't even know what a beach ball is?  Is it an explosive, pirate leader sir?

Pirate 1:  With all due respect, pirate leader sir, I think we are talking about the wrong kind of seals.  These are Navy SEALS.

Pirate Leader:  Of course they are Navy Seals.  What good would a seal be to the Air Force or the Army?

Pirate 2:  Yeah, you're dumb!

Pirate 1:  You're dumb!

Pirate 2:  You're grandma wears wooden underwear!

{Transmission is muffled for 5 minutes by the sounds of a scuffle}

Pirate Leader:  Are you two nanny goat tit sucking babies done?

Pirate 2:  Yes, oh great pirate leader, sir.

Pirate 1:  I guess.

Pirate Leader:  Then let's go pirate us some ships!

Pirate 1 and 2:  Yes, pirate leader sir.

I repeat, this was a transcript of an actual conversation picked up by the most advanced spy technology available.  I would tell you how we got it, but then - of course - I would have to kill you.

Since we're dealing with this kind of intelligence - or lack thereof - I don't think they are going to stop anytime soon.  Except for the fact that our military will blow all their heads off.  Maybe they should switch over to pirating DVDs and stuff.  That's much safer.  And easier!  If they can figure out how to use the damn technology.

Stickman out!